Boyfriend Blunders

Over dinner and drinks the other day, a few of my friends shared some hilarious “excuse me!?” moments that happened in their relationships. Today I will be sharing three direct quotes from loving boyfriends.

This is what we looked like as we told these stories! You can decide who they were...

“You’re the prettiest girl in the city.” 

I see where this was trying to be a compliment… but JUST the city!? Her response was, “The city of Salem!?” She is not even living in the largest city in the state right now. Doesn't he know that the world was an option? Come on bro!

“That skirt makes you look fatter than you are.” 

I also understand how this was an “almost compliment.” I just urge all humans to refrain from using the word fat when talking about or to a woman. Girls know how to be honest with their friends by saying things like, “It’s not super flattering” or “It isn't my favorite.” Take a cue from us, and just drop the word fat altogether.

A follow up to that “compliment?” was this:

“If you keep eating that, you really will get fat.” 

Okay, this one is just too much! He is saying that she ISN'T fat. So that is a positive. But really, if she wants to indulge, just let her do it! Sometimes ladies just really need to eat entire box of Annie’s mac and cheese! Only me? Damn. At least it’s organic. But again, let’s just leave the word “fat” out of the equation.

So there you have it folks! Some recent flubs from the male species. I hope they have learned their lesson. Maybe read this post to any men in your life, so they can learn from the mistakes of others.

I could be Kathie Lee.

Thankfully, I have read a million posts about how hard it is to blog in the summer. It is so tough! So thank you for the posts. It re-assures me that I am not a crazy lazy person.

On to today’s post, that happens to be about the Today Show.

I love Kathie Lee and Hoda and I am unashamed. I think they are hilarious! I started watching them in college after my early classes. Because really, what are you going to do at that weird time of the morning? Duh, watch 4th hour of Today and then watch Regis and Kelly. I loved that these shows would throw a teensy bit of real news in with their amazingly hilarious host chat. Otherwise, they would mainly discuss news that I find pertinent, celeb gossip and scandals, before moving on to awesome segments about new shows, movies and books. Or seasonal segments about beauty, fashion or food.

Basically, I feel like I could do this job. And I think I could do it well. I am aware that I would be in the Kathie Lee role, the overly honest, semi-inappropriate for network TV, lots of laughter and crazy facial expressions, host role. Don’t worry guys, I already have a Hoda. Marina is subtly ethnic, has knowledge of the real issues, loves music and secretly loves the nonsense!

I MEAN!! HELLOOOOOOO!!!!

Plus, we both love wine. Ahhh wine.

If you don’t watch them now, as I assume you don’t because of work, you wouldn't know that they are doing a “find our college counterparts” search. I am devastated that this search is happening at a time that I am no longer eligible. RUDE! This contest would be in the bag! I still watch their host chat and selected segments online when I can. Yes, that is how much I love them.

Dear KLG and Hoda,

Let me be part of this contest? Or at least agree to grab a drink with me!? I will fly all the way to NYC for it!
                                                                                                   Love, Laura

This is when they lost it doing a story about gas.

See ya later!! 

Antone Shenanigans

I spent an amazing weekend at the Antone Ranch! I don’t know how to describe how crazy wonderful this place is! It is a 40,000 acre ranch in central Oregon. Last year I described it as a cross between Jurassic Park, Indiana Jones, Hey Dude, Wildhorse Canyon and Disneyland. We barrel around the curvy rocky roads in jeeps, ride horses, shoot guns, boat, eat, play, pray and camp. And by camp, I mean glamp. That is glam camping. There are beds in the tents… so the word camping is quite misleading.

A line-up of our weekend transportation! You know we took those bad boys through creeks! 

Sunrise

So country! 

Everyone likes boats and sunshine! Not to discount the wakeboarding and tubing!!

Sunset from the fire tower

No filter! 

I am majorly sore and tired from such an awesome weekend! I’m sure you all feel super bad for me. I hope your weekends were equally amazing!

Did Harry Potter make me single?

I have had a really busy week. Because of this, spending my only veg time writing posts was not on my list of things to do. Food and TV won this week. Sorry! But I’m really not sorry. Then I was all of a sudden motivated. Why? Because I realized I have never really written about my love for Harry Potter on here before. What’s that you say? “Laura, you reference your love for HP often!” Wrong. Yes, I reference it, but there has never been a post dedicated to my love for the wizarding world.

So here we go. I love Harry Potter. It is my favorite book series of all time. Over the years I have re-read a bunch of the books. Book 3 was my go to during high school. But I mostly devour 5 through 7 at the pool each summer. Note: book 7 came out the summer before my senior year in college. So we have only been blessed with the entire series for about 5 years now. Crazy right!?  

I just started the series again. I can honestly say that I have never read the entire series in consecutive order before. I would re-read later books again, but usually just before the next one came out! I remember making my high school boyfriend take me to the midnight release of book 5. Poor guy. He didn't read them, and I was a crazy 16 year old obsessed with children’s books. He dumped me when he left for college a month later. I wonder if it had anything to do with my ignoring him to read that book? Huh. I guess we’ll never know. When I say ignoring him, I really mean it. After he chauffeured me around and stood in line with me to get that book, I had him drop me off at home and I stayed up all night reading. I am pretty sure he didn't hear from me for the next 5 days. I was such a charming teen…

My fave of all time is Half Blood Prince (book 6). I love it more than the others because there is romance!

Here I am in college dressed up as a quidditch player for a sorority date party. Libby was my date (no comments please).

The movies! Duh, I love them too. Awesome job Warner Bros. Did I go to midnight showings? You bet I did. Did I dress up? You bet I did.

We were 22 when this happened. We are wearing our graduation gowns from college. This would be embarrassing, but it isn't! Harry Potter is awesome. I’m not embarrassed in the slightest. Although, I got dumped that summer too…. Maybe there is a theme here. Crap! I love Harry Potter, but has Harry Potter kept me from love?

Have a great weekend folks! I'll be out at the Antone Ranch with the horses and a HP book!

Independence Day!

Down with the Red Coats!

Have you noticed how the news calls it Independence Day rather than the 4th of July? Do they have to? “Independence Day” is the official holiday title, so I guess they can’t get sloppy and casual and call it the 4th. So pretentious.

I spent the most amazing weekend in Black Butte. [Read an old post about the ranch here!] What was so amazing you ask? Oh, just everything.

I subjected Brian to my family… so let’s just say I was thinking the weekend had the potential to be a little dicey. He could be like, “whoa, what is up with these people?” Or maybe he would embrace us, including the weirdness that is inevitably in every family. I mean, it isn't like you know what is weird about your family. You are in too deep. The weird is normal for you! Don’t worry, it was great!

The weekend was freaking awesome. I spent so much time in the sun. Time walking on the golf course and laying by the pool! I think I am probably no longer 98% water, but instead 96% water and 2% sunscreen.  (So I just researched this and the internet says we aren't 98% water. Umm. I’m pretty sure I learned that fact, turned myth, in science class. Great job public schools!) But seriously, it was a great weekend. The men and my mother golfed, my sister and I walked with them on the golf course and lounged by the pool… and we really did nothing else. Basically we ate, relaxed and sipped bevs for 4 days. What a great way to honor those who fought for our freedom!

Okay, that is all. Linking up with Sami today for weekend shenanigans, 4th of July edition! Pardon, I meant Independence Day. I hope you all had great weekends!

You want me to like, interact?

So you are alone in public. What do you do?

Fake texting- Everyone knows you are being a big faker. Especially if you are alone at a restaurant waiting for your friend arrive. Better to just put your phone down on the table and pretend to read the menu again.

Real texting- You are secretly worried that people think you are fake texting. Even though you are smiling at the texts…  It is obviously real! Jerks.

Instagram- You are waiting for your Starbucks drink to hit the bar. You decide to look at the Insta feed again, even though you just did that in line… I guess you should ‘like’ some stuff just to make it look like you are doing something. Better do some dramatic scrolling and double tapping. Elbows up!

Is it an addiction to our phones and social media? Or is it just a buffer used to alleviate our fears of human interaction? Let's continue:

Twitter- So you have a list created of tweeters that you actually read. There were only 24 new tweets? You scroll to the top of the regular feed anyway. No time for OMG Facts and Kardashian tweets. Too annoying.

Facebook- Ugh. Loathe checking Facebook. You never status update because there are work colleagues on there. Plus all the updates are annoying. Oh duh, you go on there to look at the pictures that you JUST saw on Insta. I guess I’ll like them here too… See this post. I still don’t know the appropriate etiquette!

Ummm now what? Do a Google image search for puppies. Yep

What if we didn't do this and instead we interacted with others? Never mind, I am obviously talking crazy.

TGIF on this non-Friday!  And…

Happy 4th of July!!!

Summer is here!!!

My weekend was AMAZING! Summer has finally arrived in Portland. I’m talking highs of 85ish to 92ish. So it is nice and bearable. Not 117! Like my friend Hanna is dealing with in AZ. Oh Oregon summer, how I love thee.

It all started on Saturday. I took a little bridge walk with some of my women. We went down the East bank, over the Morrison, up the waterfront and back over the Hawthorne. A short and sweet walk.  Just long enough to finish our iced coffees and catch up on super important life stuff. Like what level of “Britney breakdown” Amanda Bynes has reached. Life changing topics. She is not yet at the umbrella vs. car, shaved head phase… she is on her way though! (In case you were curious about what we decided)

Then I did this for the rest of the weekend:

Yes, I am re-reading the HP series for like the millionth time. What of it!? HP is amazing and Brian is about to hear Harry Potter references that he doesn’t understand for the rest of the summer. He will hate it. Maybe I should start working on an online dating profile now…  Just to get a jump on the inevitable.

Marina and I also went to see the Bling Ring. It was SO good! Especially if you know stuff about the accused or watched Pretty Wild on E! (I did both). Then we spent the rest of the evening downtown. It was perfect out at 10pm, so we wandered.

I hope your weekends were equally as awesome! Happy short week amigos! (Even though you’re probably mostly amigas)