Elephants and Jessie Spano.

I wish I had pictures of Jessie Spano on an Elephant. But alas, this is not nearly as cool as that!

The good thing about living your life and not posting for 2 weeks, is that you actually have some stuff to post when you decide to start again! Crazy. How do people do this every day? Their lives must be far more exciting than my own. I actually have stuff on file for later! I think this is the first time that has ever happened to me.

The news in the neighborhood is this: Elephants has opened! Think delicious food, grab and go treats, a full bar, Stumptown coffee… etc. And it is a couple blocks from my home. This is going to be amazing for my life and terrible for my budget. When I saw that they were open, my response was similar to Jessie Spano on Caffeine pills. “I’m so excited! I’m so excited!... I’m so…SCARED!” Excited for the food, scared for my wallet.

Friendship Frittata at Elephants on Corbett! It isn't actually called that, but it should be. 

Big thanks to Jessie Spano for perfectly articulating how I feel:

Elephants (not the animal), if you read this and want to give me free stuff, please email me. I would jump at the chance to sell out! Especially if mac and cheese or Mama Leone’s soup is promised.

Elephants (the animal), If you read this, congrats! You can read! That is crazy. I thought you were only good at painting. Please forgive my ignorance. Do you want to come be my pet? Simply buy me a house with a big backyard first. You also need to hire a wrangler and a poop scooper. That is not something I will be doing.

Brunch in Bridgetown: Papa Haydn

Dear Papa Haydn, 

Stick to desserts. You do them REALLY well. I LOVE your desserts. I will wait for an hour for one of your desserts. You have your niche and it rocks.

Love, Laura
___________

Yes friends, I went to Papa Haydn’s for brunch. Don’t get me wrong, it was good! It just wasn’t amazing. Think about Portland and how many outstanding brunch places there are! Go to one of those. Although, there is something to say about getting seated right away, having complimentary pastries and having a decent Benedict.

If you are starving, feeling impatient and want a decent brunch. Go to Papa Haydn’s. Otherwise have a banana before you leave the house and wait for a table at one of the many outstanding places in town.

Wow. Okay, that does look really good.

My Benedict was good (look at the picture), but there weren't many menu options and I was frustrated that my coffee mug stayed empty for extended periods of time… I'm clearly a brunch brat.

On a completely different note: It is almost July! I just wanted you all to be aware of that fact. Also, I am still as pasty white as I was in February. Awesome.

Portland on Dwellable

Tea?! You must be one classy broad.

This weekend I went to tea at the Heathman with my friends Libby and Tracy. I would do a brunch review for it, but it wasn't brunch. It was seriously tea! I have never been to tea before. When I realized that it would be dainty tea food (aka small bites) I was freaking out a bit. We were going at noon and I hadn't eaten all day. I was ravenous and nervous that I would stay that way for the next couple hours, expecting that this “tea food” would be good but that I would still be hungry at the end of it all.

Boy was I wrong! The tower of food was delivered to our table and it looked delicious. I was still skeptical, but by the time we were half way through the second plate I was getting uncomfortably full. If you really think about it, it was 3 plates full of food and there were 3 of us! Duh. My reasoning skills are clearly not the best.

All in all, it was really fun to get dressed up, drink tea and act like classy British ladies for the afternoon. Well, we were only classy until we were super full. At that point we turned into nasty slothy American gluttons.

Don’t worry, we revived for photos:

Yummy Bellini!

I had no idea tea was such a fun activity! I will probably be doing this more often.

Portland on Dwellable

Brunch in Bridgetown: Jam on Hawthorne

Last weekend I went to Jam for brunch with some ladies of mine. It was SO good. Maybe one of my favorite spots thus far. They have a large menu with tons of options. They also have lots of killer homemade jams… hence the name.

I was with a vegetarian friend, as well as a vegan friend. They both had ample options, a pretty rare occurrence on the brunch scene (yes, even in Portland). Usually there is only one or two things of the vegan variety. I did not go vegan and had a delicious Benedict.

One other thing to mention is the bloody mary menu. Yep. There was a menu. In all honesty, I did not love my classy mary. There wasn’t enough flavor. It had heat, but not a lot of spice. On the flip side, Cameron ordered the sassy and it was delicious. I simply ordered wrong. I think it was a subliminal message... always choose sassy over classy?... hmm. Noted for next time!

Other high points: The mimosas come in pint glasses. We only waited for 10 min. Our food was out in a reasonable amount of time. They let us substitute stuff. The coffee was constantly flowing. We got a booth.

Less than high points: Our waiter was super schmoozy. He even had us sing My Girl with him at one point. Usually I love that kind of stuff! We just weren't the right audience that day. Read the crowd dude... read the crowd.

A serious BM and an even more serious mimosa!

Amaze-balls Benedict. A standout difference was the real thick-cut ham. SO much better than a slice of Canadian bacon.

I really recommend Jam. You will have great food in a fun location.

Portland on Dwellable

Brunch in Bridgetown: Slappy Cakes

I love Slappy Cakes! I don’t think they have the best breakfast menu, but the ambiance and fun of the restaurant is still a fantastic reason to go.

We got a table with a griddle (of course) to make some pancakes as our appetizers. That is the thing about Slappy Cakes, if you really want pancakes you should order them so you can have the perfect fluffy pancakes. The pancakes at your table are really just pre-meal activities. It is really fun though. Plus you can’t mess them up because they keep the table griddles at the perfect temperature. From the long list of toppings we chose chocolate chips and banana. Don’t worry though; they have literally every topping imaginable. I have also tried bacon and lavender honey. You would be surprised how good the bacon is IN the pancake.

Pancake art:

The company was splendid and my mushroom scramble was delish. My favorite part was the goat cheese… obvs. This is going to be a pretty pathetic review because I didn’t taste test others food or take photos. I was hungry and clearly not focused.

Libby and Brian. AKA my slappy friends

For a good time call:

Slappy Cakes

Portland on Dwellable

Brunch in Bridgetown: Salty’s on the Columbia

For Lauren’s birthday we went to Salty’s. Ahh Salty’s. How I love thee.

The thing about Salty’s is that you need a reason to go there. It is not only expensive, but if you ate that much for no reason it would feel wrong. Just wrong. I left there feeling so incredibly full. It wasn’t like holiday full. I don’t even go all out on Thanksgiving or Christmas like I do at Salty’s. I think it is because you are 1) consuming obscene amounts of champagne and 2) because you are acutely aware of the cost/ you are desperately trying to get your moneys worth.

Salty’s is SO GOOD. We went back at least 4 or 5 times. Our courses were as follows:

1. Mounding plates of crab legs

2. Mounding plates of crab legs, made to order crepes

3. Salmon, clams, Benedicts, prime rib

4. More crab legs, clams, mac and cheese, salads

5. Desserts

Don’t forget that there are bottomless mimosas/ champy during the entire meal. There was no better way to celebrate the kick-off of Lauren’s 24^th year!

Birthday Girl! 

In line for crepes

Check out that pile of crab meat! I am a long term investor when it comes to cracking crab. Everyone else was all about instant gratification. 

Pretty lady and a clean plate! 

Too hard to eat... but it looked good on Cam's plate! Plus the eyes freak me out. 

Our server kept clearing our spots and removing the shell bowl…. Until we came back and he would awkwardly say, “Oh, I guess I’ll get you another shell bowl.” This happened a few times. He was especially surprised when we continued to eat crab after he had already brought us our hot towels. Haha! When there are endless crab legs what are you supposed to do about it!? I am practically a pro when it comes to getting out claw meat. nbd.

Not only was the breakfast delish, but it was amazing to be with my people. There was a lot of laughter. The kind where you laugh until it hurts. I really love that. 

CRAB LEGS!

Very full! Nap time. 

Salty’s only serves brunch on Sunday and they fill up fast, so make sure to call for a reservation. (Make sure you call the right one… they are a chain) Also, buffet food isn’t that good no matter where you are. Really take advantage of the crab legs. It is the whole point. If you decide to go, just make sure you are really ready to eat! 

Portland on Dwellable

Brunch in Bridgetown: Tasty n Sons

Bloggers who brunch.  ‘Twas a gluttonous good time!

I was invited to a PDX bloggers brunch by the lovely Sara. It was so fun to meet other Portland bloggers and expand our little blogging communities. Plus, I have never had brunch at Tasty n Sons. I have been there for dinner. So Good. Like crazy good. Brunch was also on that level. I was nervous to go because so many of them are style bloggers. Me... not so much. I decided it would be a good idea to shower before hand. There was no reason to be nervy because they are all fantastic!

The group. Leaning over in a poncho is a bad idea. Attack of the giant torso!

Tasty n Sons is owned by the same guy who owns Toro Bravo. It is a set up in a style where dishes come out gradually. When I have gone before it was with a few close friends and we ordered a number of things to share. I arrived thinking the serving style could be awkward with a new group of people, but it ended up being great. We saw a bunch of different items come out. It was automatic conversation. Plus we all have blogging in common. We bonded over different series that we have, talked about blogs that we all read etc.

Our table of pretty ladies:

As a blogger with very few readers (Mom, do not comment on that. Due to the giving birth to me, you don’t count). It was fun to meet other bloggers. Hopefully they are willing to share their readers. Unfortunately, I don’t have many to share… but whatevs. Real life friends>blog followers. Although, blog followers would help me stay motivated to post during the busy times. You may be asking yourself: what busy times do you speak of?... Well, I guess I mean bingo night, good TV nights, and cheer competition season. Wow. How embarrassing. Welcome to my fascinating life.

Anywho! Back to the brunch. My favorite moment was when the check came and we were looking around… “Who’s good at math?” Response: “We are all writers!...So none of us!” We just split it 14 ways. How ridiculous. But seriously. WAY too hard.

Nicole and I shared a bunch of things. We ordered the chocolate potato doughnuts w/ crème anglaise, potatoes bravas with over easy eggs, and the bambino plate with scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuit and heather's honey butter. My fav was the potatoes bravas but the doughnut was a close second. The bambino plate underwhelmed me, but the honey butter was amazing. 

           

Here are some of the eats:

The potatoes... partially eaten. I aways forget to take a picture! Too ravenous. 

The bambino breakfast. I might be taking back what I said earlier... that biscuit was dang good. 

It was really fun to be included yesterday. I hope this is the first of many blogy events.

Portland on Dwellable

Brunch in Bridgetown: Helzer's on Alberta

This Sunday I went to Helzer’s for brunch with my dear friend Marina. Good company and good food. It is a bit of a trek to Alberta from little old SW, but well worth it. My friend Marina is a vegan (yes, this means she can’t eat cheese… and meat too blah blah... but cheese!? what!?) and they had a couple options for her. I usually forget about the vegan thing until we get to a restaurant and the only thing she can order is the freaking hummus plate. But hey, I guess even a hippy dippy city like Portland struggles sometimes with the vegan friendly options. Helzer’s had some choices, as long as they were willing to make changes with the order… and they were! She ordered mushroom hash. It was all pretty and sautéed and garlicky delicious.

I on the other hand, did not have a vegan friendly meal. Apparently I was feeling southwestern yesterday. I had the black bean chili scramble.  It was the guts of a breakfast burrito on a plate. Isn’t that usually the part we want anyway? It had the perfect amount of flavor and spice.

Sorry about the crappy pictures. Note: missing bite from toast. I was just really hungry!

Helzer’s is low key and understated. You feel instantly accepted when you are seated. No one is judging you. It feels like a family place. Possible thought process: I just want a good breakfast! Do I really need to put on a decent outfit? Decision: Let’s go to Helzer’s… nobody will judge.

I am not saying that other places judge or that Helzer’s is scrubby. Some places just make you feel like you should have joined in on the trendy or the fancy of the place. Helzer’s is just comfy. I mean… all they're tryna do is feed you! A concept I greatly appreciate from a food service establishment. Why do so many restaurants think we are there for the ambiance? No dude. I ordered food 45 minutes ago for a reason! I am not here to soak in the atmosphere… (do you hear me McMenamins? I have been to many of your 1,000 locations. The ambience is the same everywhere/ where is my GD food!?).

Enough ranting. Honestly, Helzer’s does not disappoint. They represent the NW with their fresh menu and welcoming environment. It isn’t the best breakfast in Portland, but we only waited for a few minutes and we left full and happy. No complaints.

Portland on Dwellable

Brunch in Bridgetown: Mother's

Mother's Bistro and Bar is another popular spot in Portland. I promise to do some obscure ones eventually. I have just been really generic the past few weeks in my dining choices.

The only way to do Mother's is with one other person. If you go with more than two, you are looking at an hour+ wait. BUT if you go with two, you can usually grab a seat at the bar within 10min. The bar at Mother's is first come, first serve. You may have to get a little friendly with a stranger, but whatever! Once you dig in you won't care that they have their elbow all up in your space. Again, bomb BM. They use pepper infused vodka in their homemade mix. I didn’t have one yesterday though. It seems that people really rave about the mimosa/ bellini options. They have 7 different sparkling wine/ champy bevs on their drink menu. And as I sit at the bar for brunch (regularly) those are the most frequently made drinks. I am not a big breakfast drinker, but champy with fruit puree sounds like a winner to me! I am a big coffee drinker. One of the perks of mothers is the French press for two (Helzer's also offers a French press). Perfect for the bar sitting duo! Yesterday we ordered the Holler Mountain brew. It was outstandingly smooth and delicious. 

The ambiance of Mother's is less trendy than Screen Door. You are more likely to see sundresses vs. skinny jeans or American Apparel. But isn’t that just the east/west divide? Think velvet and chandeliers. It is a beautiful spot. There are more families, couples and groups of girls. People show up with cakes for celebrations to hand off to the hostess etc. If your parents are in from out of town, take them to Mother's. I do love the friendly atmosphere of this establishment. When my friend and I sat down. One of the bartenders may or may not have said “welcome back girls!” While the other said “salmon hash right? How do you want your eggs today?” Does this mean we go there too much?  

Back to the important stuff. What to order! My favy meal at Mother's is the wild salmon hash. I will go on the record and say it is the best breakfast dish in the city of Portland. Please, I welcome a challenge to this statement. It is AMAZING. Fresh salmon. Not smoked. This is the big difference. A lot of places carry smoked salmon hash. Vom. It does not compare to the fresh salmon hash at Mother's.

Take a looker:

Our delish French press coffee.

Yummy yummy wild salmon hash.

Mar and her (vegan) veggie scramble w/ avocado.

After our meal I got into a discussion with my neighbor at the bar. He was raving about the cornflake crusted French toast. Yes, it looked delicious. He gets it every time and I told him that I get the salmon hash every time. We discussed savory vs. sweet breakfasts. I prefer savory. Not because I don’t like sweet breakfasts, but because you can generally make versions of sweet breakfasts yourself. Pancakes, French toast etc. My mother taught me that if you are going out to eat you should order something you wouldn’t make at home. If you are spending money on your meal, you should make it count! The crab cake benedict from Seasons and Regions or the wild mushroom omelet with fresh herbs and goat cheese from Besaw's are two things I wouldn’t make myself. The omelet is a bit more likely, but who goes to the store and buys a variety of wild mushrooms for a random breakfast dish? The heavenly wild salmon hash from Mothers fits perfectly into this category. It is too much work to make yourself. And even if you tried, you would not be able to replicate the perfection that is this dish. Instead of a review of the restaurant this post turned into a rant about good breakfast… whatevs. My breakfast this weekend was da bomb!

Portland on Dwellable

Brunch in Bridgetown: Screen Door

This will be a series. Not exactly weekly, but sporadically (See, sporadic means once in a while. Try using it in a sentence today.) That was another Clueless reference. Please rent that movie if you still don’t get it. Anywho, I freak-yeah LOVE brunch. My favorite Portland places create a long list. I have tried a lot of places and have some favorites.

This week’s addition is about Screen Door, mostly because I went there yesterday. But it is one of my favy b-fast spots. Screen Door is a well known eatery and no matter what, you are looking at a 45min- hour long wait. Like most places in Portland, they offer cups of that legal addictive stimulant that we all love, coffee. They serve Stumptown Coffee. Bomb.co.uk. More importantly, they have a killer bloody mary. And if you don't like vodka with your breakfast, you can always order a virgin mary! Screen Door also has food... weird. My favorite being their hipster style grits. I mean this in the most loving way possible of course. It is southern cooking with creole undertones and Portland flare. Their chicken and waffles are amazeballs. Cajun seasoned chicken and a sweet potato waffle to accompany. Savory breakfast with sweet maple syrup on the side… if you are one of those. (You know, those freaks who like kettle corn/ mixing salty and sweet).

mmmmm bloody mary

My personal fave is the delectable dish called garden grits. My favorite food is cheese (insert gasp here)… everyone already knows this fun fact. Grits are freaking cheese for breakfast! AND they have the texture of polenta. I mean, you can get plain grits too. But why would anyone do that when they could get cheese grits!? More often than not, grits are super greasy. Not at screen door! (only moderately greasy) They make theirs with provolone, spinach, mushrooms and tomatoes… soooo melt in your mouth delish. If you don’t believe me go try it. If you are more of a carnivore type, they also have farm grits. They come complete with ham and poached eggs. If you decide to go, tell our friends Patrick and Sam hi! Yes, over the past couple years my people have made friends with the bar tenders (Libby gave one of them her card once. It was hilar… don’t tell Chris)

Partially eaten garden grits.

Chels and her fried oyster benedict/ BM in hand.. of course.

Now, I encourage you all to start brunching. It is really fun to explore our fine city while simultaneously indulging in this gluttonous weekend ritual.  

PS. I know my grammar isn't great. Try not to judge too harshly.

Portland on Dwellable