Victoria's Secret Model Eats Ice Cream with Tayor Swift.

How's that for a headline!?

I LOVE the VS Fashion Show. It taped last night. Is it just me or is T-Swift working on her leg game? Maybe she is tryna get on Carrie’s level? Get em guuurl!

Some people get annoyed with the VS fashion show and get all “How can we possibly live up to this unnatural body standard!?” Uhhhh no one said you had to. It is just good entertainment with awesome musical acts. Crazy person. Also, it is winter. So it isn't like anyone is suggesting you put on a bikini tomorrow. I am suggesting you put on a big chunky sweater. It will all be okay!

PS. Those girls don’t eat food like normal people. Have you had food? It’s delicious! You know that saying, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”… ??? That statement could not be more untrue! Whoever wrote that has never had truffle fries. or ice cream. or cheese.

This may or may not have been photo-shopped. Tune in on Dec. 10th to know for certain!

I plan on watching the VS fashion show on my couch. With a bowl of ice cream. In my big chunky sweater (for warmth from the ice cream). I could not be more excited! I always enjoy the energy and enthusiasm behind the show. And you know I love me some T-Swift!

Feel free to call me an anti-feminist. The show airs on December 10th, come over to throw things at me if you must!

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On a scale between normal and "Kim Kardashian cry face."

I read Thought Catalog, and you probably do too... But I still had to share this! You guys, this is a real (accurate to life) scale.

It is a little bit difficult to imagine being in "hurts worst" pain while looking at pictures of the James Van Der Beek and Kim Kardashian cry faces. Please read the text under 5-6 before softly sobbing into your overpriced americano. Oh you had time to make coffee? Good for you.

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Notes for the needy.

I just have a couple notes to share today. I feel that it is my duty to offer advice to those in need. I am a crazy good humanitarian.

Lamar,

I heard about the DUI arrest. Our mutual friend, the internet, has been talking about it. Come on Lamar! Don’t you know that you are my favorite Kardashian person? I am sad that you are having a rough time right now. I know it is probably stressful to be a free agent and that you may be feeling a little bit depressed and out of control. I know it was really hard for you emotionally when you were playing like crap for the Mavericks. I get it Lamar, life is tough sometimes. BUT I really think you can make it through.

Why? Because of this:
You are a 6’10” man. You are worth a bazillion* dollars. Your wife is hilarious and crazy rich. Basketball isn't everything. Know what else isn't everything? Substance abuse. Just cool it! hugs not drugs Lammy. Hugs. Not. Drugs.

XOXO,
Your local D.A.R.E representative

*this is an estimate


Miley,

Yeah, that was gross on Sunday. Liam’s poor parents. I also feel sad for you. Mostly because your mom was clapping… So maybe this really isn't your fault after all? BUT do you know what is your fault? Your filthy tongue.

I am personally not that upset over your performance. Honestly, I had my eyes closed through most of it. I just couldn't look. But you know what I did see? I saw your dirty tongue. Brush that thing before you put it out on display for the world to see on national television. Get a tongue scraper maybe? I bet they have them at your dentist, probably even at your local Walgreens*. I am surprised your mic didn't quit working from your toxic breath. I just assume your breath was toxic due to the sight of your white tongue.

XOXO,
4 out of 5 dentists

*not confirmed

TGIF and Happy Labor Day weekend folks! 

Libby in L.A. (and some celeb stalking)

Libby moved to L.A. She is going to USC to expand her mind in grad school and be her genius self!

One time we had a par-tay to say goodbye:

Just getting in some last minute gossip. FYI: This is a picture of a Polaroid! Martha brought a Polaroid camera for some photo fun. 

Then Lib started texting us from her new home. She is taking Hollywood VERY seriously. Celeb sightings will probably take precedence over studying. Actually, I bet she will sit at Kate Summerville (multiple locations) so much (aka missing class) just to see if she can spot Lauren Conrad! Obviously LC will remember her, they already met once before. Although, she probably remembers me better, she DID compliment my outfit after all.

Here is some of the gold we have received thus far:

This is obviously Mario Lopez being his smoking hot AC Slater self. Just taping Extra at The Grove!...so people like Libby can creep on him.

I'm sorry you just wasted your time reading this waste of a post! TGIF.

Summer is here!!!

My weekend was AMAZING! Summer has finally arrived in Portland. I’m talking highs of 85ish to 92ish. So it is nice and bearable. Not 117! Like my friend Hanna is dealing with in AZ. Oh Oregon summer, how I love thee.

It all started on Saturday. I took a little bridge walk with some of my women. We went down the East bank, over the Morrison, up the waterfront and back over the Hawthorne. A short and sweet walk.  Just long enough to finish our iced coffees and catch up on super important life stuff. Like what level of “Britney breakdown” Amanda Bynes has reached. Life changing topics. She is not yet at the umbrella vs. car, shaved head phase… she is on her way though! (In case you were curious about what we decided)

Then I did this for the rest of the weekend:

Yes, I am re-reading the HP series for like the millionth time. What of it!? HP is amazing and Brian is about to hear Harry Potter references that he doesn’t understand for the rest of the summer. He will hate it. Maybe I should start working on an online dating profile now…  Just to get a jump on the inevitable.

Marina and I also went to see the Bling Ring. It was SO good! Especially if you know stuff about the accused or watched Pretty Wild on E! (I did both). Then we spent the rest of the evening downtown. It was perfect out at 10pm, so we wandered.

I hope your weekends were equally as awesome! Happy short week amigos! (Even though you’re probably mostly amigas)

The almost weekend, baby names and #backthatazzup.

I have never been so ready for a week to be over! Seriously. All that time on the phone with insurance adjusters… bleh. I also spent my fair amount of time on the phone with Comcast this week. Or should we call them Comcrap? I am beyond ready for the weekend. I have back to back bridal showers to attend on Saturday. And you know what that means!? Good food and drinks ALL DAY! Booya!

In other news, the Kardashian/ West’s decided to name their baby North. Yep. North West, Nori for short. What did we really expect though?… this is what happens when two unintelligent and narcissistic people procreate. They named their kid in a way that would give them more attention. Plus, they are celebrities, and Frank Zappa already took Diva Thin and Moon Unit.

via

I know you are as excited as I am for the weekend, so let’s #backthatazzup. It is time to move on from this week and on to the Next Episode. Why is it that Snoop and Dre have the ability to make me feel better? Maybe it is because they remind me of a simpler time. A time when Otter Pops were in abundance, summer break still existed and I thought I was the most “hood” teenager ever.

Don't let the ASPCA ruin your Friday.

First things first! TGIF!!! I am beyond excited for a fun and relaxing weekend. Actually, I will be spending my Saturday at a cheerleading competition. But I happen to find that fun! Don’t tell anyone.

One thing I would like to ask you about is the ASPCA. No, I don’t have an agenda and I will probably get hate mail after posting this. But what is the deal with the ASPCA!? They often ruin my day with their damn Sarah Mclachlan dog abuse commercial (I wont be linking to it). Does anyone not change the channel when that commercial comes on? I immediately change it for obvious “I don’t want to cry alone into my hummus” reasons. Not only is the commercial unbearable, but they run it on E! Why would they do that? I don’t think the viewership of E! television is particularly humanitarian. I was watching Kourtney and Kim Take Miami for heaven’s sake. I guess Kanye did give Kim a cat… but she lost it when she was drunk. Maybe we should call Sarah and have her and the ASPCA go rescue Mercy? Nope. Just kidding! Mercy already died (sad face). Read about it here.

The truth of the matter is this: The ASPCA ad does not tug at my heart strings. It makes me mad at them for ruining my day and I therefore refuse to give them money out of spite. That is my Friday rant!

James Van Der Beek wishes you a happy weekend!!

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Golden Globes: observations and favorites.

Did you all watch the Golden Globes last night!? It is by far my favorite of the awards shows. I wrote why last year. I am not all knowing when it comes to fashion or anything, but I love the red carpet shows just as much as the broadcast!

What did you guys think of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler? I thought they were fantastically funny, but not nearly enough air time! I was kind of mad that they weren't given more opportunities to bring the hilarity. They had Libby and me LLOLing (Literally laughing out loud. As we all know, LOL has lost all meaning at this point).

First I would like to show you a few things I observed during the broadcast and while reviewing pictures of the Red Carpet.

First let’s take a look at the publicist who REALLY didn't like Jessica Chastain’s dress. It wasn't my fave either… but I think I would have tried a little harder to keep a straight face.

And here we have JLO. She was going all Britney at the 2000 VMAs with this one.

It’s Yosemite Sam! Oh wait… nope, just Bill Murray.

Sienna Miller really misses shopping at Limited Too. To get her fix she picked this dress…

Okay, enough of that. My favorites were Alba and KHud. Their picks could not be more different from each other, yet both are unbelievably glamorous. Plus these dresses seem to suit each of their personalities well. Am I crazy for thinking that?

That is all I have for today. This weekend was so awesome! Cheer season started, awards season started AND JT released his first song since 2006! Booya! Let's note that in the fall of 2006 (sophomore year of college) I was dancing to Sexy Back in the dorms. Obviously because we had all gotten back to campus... AKA brought sexy back. Kind of embarrassing and awesome at the same time. 

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The West-Kardashian Baby

… or Kardashian-West? I think that might be a fight.

The year: 2022 (Age 9)
Setting: School Science Fair

Teacher: And this year’s All School Science Fair winner is... Maxwell Drew Johnson!

Kanye: Yo Maxi, Imma let you finish, but my kid had one of the best potato clocks of all time.

The year: 2029 (Age 16)
Setting: At home rummaging through old home movies.

Kimye spawn: Mom, where are my childhood soccer videos? Wait… what is this? What is a VHS and who is Ray-J?"

I hate that this unborn child is already dealing with tabloid scrutiny. Just because his/her parents are ego-maniacs does not mean that the child will be. BUT we are doing ourselves a disservice if we don’t throw out a few obvious jokes. Right!?


In my personal life: I had an AMAZING holiday break. Very fun, very needed, too much food etc. Is it just me or was getting back into the routine of regular life a bit painful? Wednesday was like a slow death, but now I seem to be embracing the predictable. How are you all doing? If you aren't doing great, just remember that tomorrow is Friday! PTL for short weeks!

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Jessica Simpson is pregnant again.

What does this mean for her 3 million dollar Weight Watchers deal? Also, seriously Jessica? I think Suri puts it best. We do not need another 17 month long pregnancy from this chick.

I really hope this is a false report. It isn't like US Weekly is the standard in journalism.

I don’t know if the world is ready more pregnant J.Simps pictures. Are they ever going to get married?? Call me old fashioned, but wouldn't you prefer to have your baby daddy be legally bound to you when you gain all that weight? Just a thought.

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Black Butte and Katy Perry

Black Butte was super relaxing. Fall foliage, vino and the Katy Perry movie… yep, that describes my weekend pretty well! No other words needed.

There was a Harvest Fair happening in Sisters. So that was awesome! 

We took long walks in the cool autumn air.

Pretty fall foliage!! 

Did you guys see the Katy Perry movie? If so, did it make you guys like Katy Perry? I have always found her so annoying due to her songs and outfits. But now I like her! Not necessarily musically, although some songs are catchy, I just like HER. The breakdown due to the demise of her marriage made her human and now I am rooting for her. Why she is dating John Mayer is beyond me. She is better than that!

I hope your weekends were relaxing too!

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Open letter to Christina Aguilera.

Dear Christina,

You have an amazing voice. That is my first statement because your talent is outstanding and I want you to remember it as this letter continues.

Christina, I reflect on the days of "Genie in a Bottle" with fond memories. Time spent making up dances in the cul-de-sac on a hot summer day. Jumping on the trampoline and singing "Come on Over" at the top of my lungs. It was glorious.

Then you decided to be a Latin singer… before blossoming into X-Tina. At this time you also decided that clothes were optional, piercings were key to your look and thought spray tans were probably a good idea. Your songs on Stripped were dynamite, but something happened… were you confused? Trying to find "the real xtina”? I was confused too. But I did have a blast at the Stripped/Justified concert. I do wish you and Justin sang at least one song together though. I know it is weird, but that album reminds me of Christmas. My sister and I listened to that CD non-stop all winter, probably because every song was amazing. Personal fave: "Get mine, Get Yours."

After that, you somehow became linked to Target in my mind. Why is that? Back to Basics, Burlesque, that weird robot album… What!? You have the pipes! SING! That is all we want. I am a fan of you and your voice. I am going to speak for your fan base and tell you that good songs are the only thing we are looking for from you. We don’t need a new persona every few years. Just good pop music that is easy to belt to in the car.

I like you on The Voice. You are a sassy beez. You have a good dynamic with the other judges and it is fun to see you in a normal-ish environment. Although, your boobs are always out. You should tuck those girls in at least once a week... I promise they won't suffocate. Time for a new stylist maybe? I am excited for your new album! I have high hopes for what it may contain.

Remember Mickey Mouse Club? Me too.

Love,
Laura

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Who’s your daddy?

I read a lot of celebrity gossip and celebrity gossip blogs. I am not proud of it. It is simply a fact about me.

One thing that is driving me particularly crazy is the still unknown paternity of Xander Jones. WTF is up with that!? How are bloggers and entertainment news sources not asking this? I mean, at least post some possible daddy pics with pictures of the baby! We want to continue to speculate!

Maybe I am a crazy person. Obviously this is none of my business… but I just want to know. Okay, truth time. I love Jason Sudeikis. I really do. And I will be super disappointed if he is the baby daddy and denied paternity. That is my real concern. I like him and don’t want him to be a dead-beat dad.

Unfortunately, it is not looking good for funny guy Jason. Check out this photo of January and Xander. Is it just me or is that little babe looking extra sudeikisy as of late?

Right!? Come on January, tell us who it is! Because if loving Jason is wrong, we really don’t want to be right.

I know, super classy to put this after my Nicaragua post. Whatever.

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A Boyfriend identity crisis.

I bet you thought this was going to be about my personal life. WRONG! It is about Justin Bieber.

I’m not sure if you have watched the Bieb’s new video for Boyfriend. I watched it with my super awesome co-worker/ fav friend Nicole, and we liked it! Duh. It is no Brit Brit, but still fab. We then launched into an important discussion regarding señior Bieber. He is obviously on the track to prove that he isn’t a kid anymore. I have a feeling the videos will gradually get steamier, thus not to alarm audiences. Of course I have at least one qualm about the video. Have you met me? Well, some of you probably haven’t… whatevs.

Okay here we go. In the video everyone is dressed in funky cute/ hipster chic. Clearly it is warm out because the sun is shining and girls are rocking tanks etc. THEN you look at J. Biebs. He is wearing dark jeans, gold high-tops and leather. Not to discount his blingy jewelry. Check out the bracelet… Ha! Pimpin’ Biebs. Straight pimpin’. My question is this, if it is hot out why are you wearing leather? Also, you have quite different style than your “friends” in this video. In my experience friend groups tend to dress similar to each other. Especially at the age of 18.

That is my Bieber related two cents. Hope you enjoy!

* UPDATE: I was just alerted by my lovely friend Marina (see her comment below) to watch *NSync's video for Girlfriend. Please note the similarities. We all know that the Biebs is turning into his own version of JT. Just "say hello to falsetto."

“We are like genuinely obsessed with your shows.”

Yes. We went to see Lauren Conrad last night!! In the car and the whole time we were waiting, we kept talking about what we were going to say to LC.

Some ideas that were floated around:
“My friend went to college with Steven and said he is an ass.”
“So what was up with that Jason thing?”
“Why the H didn’t you go to Paris?”
“Lo is my favorite.”
“You are my fashion icon.”
“Watched your cat-eye tutorial today… it was tight.”
“I’m not feeling the photo choice on the back cover.”
“We just wanted to meet you and are not going to be reading this crap.”
“You are so pretty!”
“Do you still party with Polster?”
“Wanna grab a drink after this? I’ll drop a pin so you know where to meet us.”

What was actually said: 
Me: “Hi! How are you doing?
LC: “Great! Your outfit is so cute.” (YES you guys. LC liked my outfit! Booya! Note: she did not say this to Mar or Lib.)
Me: “Thank you! We have been fans forever. We used to get together in the dorms to watch Laguna.”
LC: “Haha.” (Inner thought of LC: Why the F is this awesomely dressed chick bringing up Laguna? This is my book signing. Lag Beach is not my proudest accomplishment.)
LC: “My girlfriends all do that with Gossip Girl. None of us even really like it anymore; it is just an excuse to get together.”
Libby: “Yeah.” (in a breathy voice)
Marina: “We are like genuinely obsessed with your shows.”
Me: “… and your books!” (had to throw that in since it was a book signing)
LC: “Well, I hope you guys enjoy this one!” (while handing back the books)
All: “Thank you so much! It was great to meet you!”

About 5 steps away:
Libby to Marina: “Seriously? 'We are obsessed with you?' That is what you decided to say to Lauren Conrad!!?"

You guys. She is so pretty in real life. It is almost unbearable. Please take note that LC probably heard the reprimand from Libby to Marina. We were like 2 feet away from the table. Bahaha! Not like Libby has room to talk, she only said one word. We promptly went to the Doug Fir for burgs and bevs. All in all, it was a successful evening and meeting of Lauren Conrad. We are basically BFFs at this point.

Some photo proof that it happened:

Waiting in line sucks.

Not a great photo... but the only one of all three of us from last nights life changing event!

She is so freaking pretty!! Her hair and makeup were absurdly perfect.

Yep. Too pretty. 

Just texting w/ LC... no big. 

The illegal picture I took from closer up! Booya!

It was really fun to go meet Lauren Conrad. We really have been following her career since '04-'05ish. Plus, now we know how the book signing thing works. (FYI: It involves wrist bands and stuff.) I hope the Kardashians come to PDX some time for a book signing. Khloe is my favorite. You know, just for the record.

The Oscars: Annoying or not?

I know I am a bit late on the reviews of the Academy Awards. So rather than doing a best and worst dressed, I decided to do a most annoying vs. least annoying. Honestly, I really enjoyed the fashions and everyone looked amazing. Especially the people I find most annoying… which of course makes it worse.

Not annoying:

Michelle Williams was so sweet in her interviews.  I loved how honored she was by the compliments she received from Kate Winslet. Plus she took Her BFF, Busy Phillips, as her date.

Viola Davis also wins the not annoying award. She was humble about her performance in The Help and she always turns interviews back to the project and the meaning of the story.

Majorly annoying:

Angelina Jolie is so freak-yeah annoying. Her dress was really pretty... blah blah… but she ruined it with her stupid posing.

The second annoying award goes to Stacy Keibler. She is so temporary! I hate how pimpin’ she thinks she is. She is clearly a disposable girlfriend for George Clooney. Her attitude makes her look like a stupid little girl. 

I hope you all enjoyed the show as much as I did. I was already on vacation and the Oscars made it even better! Vaca updates coming soon!


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Call Me Maybe

I have been listening to this song non-stop for the past two days. I know it is ridiculously pop infused. BUT I TOTALLY LOVE IT!!!

To go along with the awesome song… some of our favorite teeny-bopper stars did a homemade sing-along video to it. This is clearly why I like it so much! The video just seems hilariously normal. The girls are all in sweats etc. It reminds me of the kind of crap we would do in Black Butte during college (or currently… you decide that for yourself).

Here is a video of Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Ashley Tizdale (I secretly love the Tiz), some chick from Hannah Montana, Ashley’s boyfriend and some other peeps all dancing to Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen.

Side note: Apparently this girl (who is Canadian) has the same representation as the Biebs. Even so, I still love it. Their ploy for the song to blow up worked on me!

Recap of the Golden Globes. PS. Madonna isn't British

Golden Globe Awards, Emmy awards, Academy Awards, SAG awards… Oh My! (okay, that doesn’t really flow… whatevs.)

I am sure you all tuned in to the Golden Globes last night! I LOVE awards season. I just love it! It is so fun to see our favorite celebrities dressed to the nines, getting recognized for their hard work, all while being forced to do interviews about their personal lives.

“Who are you wearing?” is my second favorite question. My favorite is “Who are you dating?!” Haha!

The Golden Globes is my favorite of the awards shows. It is a real party! They are at tables socializing, drinking and all together having a good time among their colleagues. At other shows they are just seated. Clearly lacking in forced socialization and fun. Plus, the Globes are casual enough that it can be funny! The Oscars are so serious! I love them too, but there simply isn’t the lightness that comes through like there is during the Globes. I also enjoy that it is both TV and film. It is nice to have it all in one shebang.

How much did you enjoy Ricky Gervais!? He was hilar like usual. I was annoyed by Madonna though. Just take the joke Madonna, don’t fire back with your fake accent and strangely toned man-lady arms.

My best dressed vote goes to Claire Danes. I know it is annoying that I chose the winner of the night as my best dressed… but did you see the back of her dress!? This photo does not do it justice. It was all metallicy and shimmery. I also really liked Charlize Theron, but her dress just didn’t seem out there enough.

My worst dressed vote goes to Amanda Peet. Shower curtain from anthro as a dress with eighth grade eyeliner and hoop earrings. Not to mention, strappy sandals from BP that she wore to winter formal...

I hope you all enjoyed the show as much as I did!

Happy birthday Ms. Spears.

Happy 30^th to my gurl B. Spears!

Some people don’t understand the love for Britney. But all of us 20-somethings grew up with her! 

Thanks for all the silly made up dances, car parties and simply awesome jams! Hoping that your future has less crazy and more awesome. Happy Birthday! 

Demi divorces Ashton because of bad Twitter manners.

Just kidding! They are divorcing due to being a weird marriage in the first place. I mean, didn't we all know it wouldn't work out when he wore a hat during their wedding ceremony? It would have made sense if it was a 20s themed wedding. Although, by the look of her dress, Demi thought the wedding had a late 90s theme. 

I don't feel moved by any of the clothing choices in this photo...

In reality, I am a little sad. He is funny and it looked like they had a fun marriage. He has struggled a bit in the media lately though… the bad Penn State tweets and all. Looks like he was uninformed on current events because he was dealing with his failing marriage. That is fine with me! Work on your marriage before you watch the news.

Maybe they are staying together and we are all just being Punk’d?...