Victoria's Secret Model Eats Ice Cream with Tayor Swift.

How's that for a headline!?

I LOVE the VS Fashion Show. It taped last night. Is it just me or is T-Swift working on her leg game? Maybe she is tryna get on Carrie’s level? Get em guuurl!

Some people get annoyed with the VS fashion show and get all “How can we possibly live up to this unnatural body standard!?” Uhhhh no one said you had to. It is just good entertainment with awesome musical acts. Crazy person. Also, it is winter. So it isn't like anyone is suggesting you put on a bikini tomorrow. I am suggesting you put on a big chunky sweater. It will all be okay!

PS. Those girls don’t eat food like normal people. Have you had food? It’s delicious! You know that saying, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”… ??? That statement could not be more untrue! Whoever wrote that has never had truffle fries. or ice cream. or cheese.

This may or may not have been photo-shopped. Tune in on Dec. 10th to know for certain!

I plan on watching the VS fashion show on my couch. With a bowl of ice cream. In my big chunky sweater (for warmth from the ice cream). I could not be more excited! I always enjoy the energy and enthusiasm behind the show. And you know I love me some T-Swift!

Feel free to call me an anti-feminist. The show airs on December 10th, come over to throw things at me if you must!

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Things I don’t care about.

This mostly in regard to social media.

1.) Your Paleo diet. Or the fact that you made Paleo food. Piggy back: your vegan diet and your juice cleanse. Although, if I was doing a juice cleanse, I would tell EVERYONE! Just to brag and to get sympathy.

2.) Your Crossfit life. See this post.

3.) Your baby’s digestion, bowel movements and vomit. I like looking at pictures of your baby, but I don't want to hear about the other stuff. I want to have kids someday... please don't scare me away from it.

4.) Your latte foam. We have all seen pretty latte foam! (Addendum: if it is in the shape of an animal or something unique, feel free to post.)

5.) If your sports team is winning. I clearly need to quit Facebook and Twitter during football season. If I see one more waste of a post that says “Goooo Ducks! #WTD” or “Beaver Believer” or “Let’s go Hawks!”... Obviously the weekend and social media can no longer go hand in hand in my life. (Addendum: If your comment is funny or clever, feel free to post.)

For the record: I am guilty of plenty of lame posting. Like tons!! And I will continue to post pictures of my friends, my boyfriend, coffee and bloody marys as much as my little heart desires. I don’t care if you already know what they look like.

On a completely unrelated note, yet something I do not care about, Grey’s Anatomy is still on! I saw an add while watching Modern Family. I thought about it for a second and realized that I used to watch in 2006!!! Give it up Grey’s. You aren't ER. We all stopped watching MANY years ago.

This post may seem negative, but really I am just telling the truth for one little blog post. For the record, each annoying post is canceled out by at least 4 that I enjoy! I swear, I am not a miserable person.

Notes for the needy.

I just have a couple notes to share today. I feel that it is my duty to offer advice to those in need. I am a crazy good humanitarian.

Lamar,

I heard about the DUI arrest. Our mutual friend, the internet, has been talking about it. Come on Lamar! Don’t you know that you are my favorite Kardashian person? I am sad that you are having a rough time right now. I know it is probably stressful to be a free agent and that you may be feeling a little bit depressed and out of control. I know it was really hard for you emotionally when you were playing like crap for the Mavericks. I get it Lamar, life is tough sometimes. BUT I really think you can make it through.

Why? Because of this:
You are a 6’10” man. You are worth a bazillion* dollars. Your wife is hilarious and crazy rich. Basketball isn't everything. Know what else isn't everything? Substance abuse. Just cool it! hugs not drugs Lammy. Hugs. Not. Drugs.

XOXO,
Your local D.A.R.E representative

*this is an estimate


Miley,

Yeah, that was gross on Sunday. Liam’s poor parents. I also feel sad for you. Mostly because your mom was clapping… So maybe this really isn't your fault after all? BUT do you know what is your fault? Your filthy tongue.

I am personally not that upset over your performance. Honestly, I had my eyes closed through most of it. I just couldn't look. But you know what I did see? I saw your dirty tongue. Brush that thing before you put it out on display for the world to see on national television. Get a tongue scraper maybe? I bet they have them at your dentist, probably even at your local Walgreens*. I am surprised your mic didn't quit working from your toxic breath. I just assume your breath was toxic due to the sight of your white tongue.

XOXO,
4 out of 5 dentists

*not confirmed

TGIF and Happy Labor Day weekend folks! 

I could be Kathie Lee.

Thankfully, I have read a million posts about how hard it is to blog in the summer. It is so tough! So thank you for the posts. It re-assures me that I am not a crazy lazy person.

On to today’s post, that happens to be about the Today Show.

I love Kathie Lee and Hoda and I am unashamed. I think they are hilarious! I started watching them in college after my early classes. Because really, what are you going to do at that weird time of the morning? Duh, watch 4th hour of Today and then watch Regis and Kelly. I loved that these shows would throw a teensy bit of real news in with their amazingly hilarious host chat. Otherwise, they would mainly discuss news that I find pertinent, celeb gossip and scandals, before moving on to awesome segments about new shows, movies and books. Or seasonal segments about beauty, fashion or food.

Basically, I feel like I could do this job. And I think I could do it well. I am aware that I would be in the Kathie Lee role, the overly honest, semi-inappropriate for network TV, lots of laughter and crazy facial expressions, host role. Don’t worry guys, I already have a Hoda. Marina is subtly ethnic, has knowledge of the real issues, loves music and secretly loves the nonsense!

I MEAN!! HELLOOOOOOO!!!!

Plus, we both love wine. Ahhh wine.

If you don’t watch them now, as I assume you don’t because of work, you wouldn't know that they are doing a “find our college counterparts” search. I am devastated that this search is happening at a time that I am no longer eligible. RUDE! This contest would be in the bag! I still watch their host chat and selected segments online when I can. Yes, that is how much I love them.

Dear KLG and Hoda,

Let me be part of this contest? Or at least agree to grab a drink with me!? I will fly all the way to NYC for it!
                                                                                                   Love, Laura

This is when they lost it doing a story about gas.

See ya later!! 

You want me to like, interact?

So you are alone in public. What do you do?

Fake texting- Everyone knows you are being a big faker. Especially if you are alone at a restaurant waiting for your friend arrive. Better to just put your phone down on the table and pretend to read the menu again.

Real texting- You are secretly worried that people think you are fake texting. Even though you are smiling at the texts…  It is obviously real! Jerks.

Instagram- You are waiting for your Starbucks drink to hit the bar. You decide to look at the Insta feed again, even though you just did that in line… I guess you should ‘like’ some stuff just to make it look like you are doing something. Better do some dramatic scrolling and double tapping. Elbows up!

Is it an addiction to our phones and social media? Or is it just a buffer used to alleviate our fears of human interaction? Let's continue:

Twitter- So you have a list created of tweeters that you actually read. There were only 24 new tweets? You scroll to the top of the regular feed anyway. No time for OMG Facts and Kardashian tweets. Too annoying.

Facebook- Ugh. Loathe checking Facebook. You never status update because there are work colleagues on there. Plus all the updates are annoying. Oh duh, you go on there to look at the pictures that you JUST saw on Insta. I guess I’ll like them here too… See this post. I still don’t know the appropriate etiquette!

Ummm now what? Do a Google image search for puppies. Yep

What if we didn't do this and instead we interacted with others? Never mind, I am obviously talking crazy.

TGIF on this non-Friday!  And…

Happy 4th of July!!!

Guest posting, quinoa and DIY.

Go check out my guest post over at A Well Crafted Party! Jenni is crazy talented at having crafty and cute events. I am not so much gifted in the crafty arena of life. DIY is not a regularly used term in my life. It is actually never used. Unless I’m talking about how I don’t DIY. But isn't that the whole point of blogs? To compare yourself to others and feel inadequate!?... Just kidding. Kinda.

ANYWAY, you don’t have to DIY to dazzle at a party! You can still make a splash if you bring an awesome dish to share. Check out my post and some super-secret shortcuts in this quinoa recipe.

Yes, I posted this recipe a year ago. I'm lazy. Sue me.

Social media etiquette.

I use Facebook wrong and I don’t even care! I use it wrong because I don’t like to spend my time uploading crappy photos one at a time to my “timeline” or whatever. Isn't that what Instagram is for? And no, I don’t have them post in multiple places. Why? Because it is confusing for people! You know, etiquette wise. Seriously, what is the etiquette there? So I liked my friends photo on Insta… do I also go like it on Facebook? Isn't that overkill? Their thought, “whoa, Laura must REALLY like that photo. She liked it 2 places!” I don’t want to be an over eager social media user, but I also want my friends to get more likes! They are probably really into the likes. I didn't realize HOW into “likes” someone could be until I started dating Brian. He will say things like “let’s see how many likes you got.” Uhhh. Really? My snarky response, “I do not derive my self-worth from the likes I get on Instagram.” I say things like this because I don’t get a lot of likes… whatevs.

I just added pictures from the past 4 months-ish to Facebook. I still use it like I did in college. We would add new albums all the time! But now I just add more pictures to an old album because I don’t have enough pictures for one topic. Is it just me? Or have we all started taking WAY less pictures than in college? Each night out in college could have its own album on Facebook. Now… not so much. Just one Insta per friend gathering.

Please enjoy some of the photos that went up. If I am posting pictures on my blog, do I really need to also post them on Facebook in a timely manner? I say no.

February / March

April / May

May / June

So please forgive me for using Facebook wrong. Actually, nevermind. I’m not even sorry. But can someone please tell me what our etiquette is for ‘likes’ on the same picture posted on multiple social media sites? It is annoying. And the fact that I am even asking this makes me feel old.

Only one post this week! I’m off to Seattle for a wedding! Thank the heavens above that it was sunny this past weekend. My white legs probably would have blinded the bride causing her to trip down the aisle. Don’t worry guys, they got a little color. I have full confidence that everyone’s eyes will be just fine. But I’ll probably use some self-tanner just to be safe.

FREE STUFF!!

Do I have your attention!?

Sooooooo I decided to participate in my first giveaway EVER! I know, I am growing in this whole blog participation thing. Am I a sell out? Potentially. BUT we already covered how much I love free stuff and this is such a good one you guys! No, it isn't some random necklace or scarf or mish mash of $5 Starbucks gift cards. (not to knock those! I totally enter them all the time). This giveaway is... drumroll... It is freaking $215!! That is right. Well, $215 to Stubhub that you can use for any tickets your little heart desires! 

Our lovely organizer, Sarah, originally came up with this idea because she loves sports and free tickets to all kinds of games/ matches/ tournaments. So when she came up with this idea, I was like, "uh, I wouldn't use them for a sporting event. I would use them for Fleetwood Mac tickets!"

Here is my reasoning:

Fleetwood Mac is coming to Portland at the end of the month but none of my friends like them enough to want to buy tickets with me. I would buy a set, if I was made of money! but I'm not. If only I could make it rain Fleetwood Mac tickets... 

Apparently I am 60 years old. Judge me if you will, but please lie to me about it. Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies!! And enter this giveaway for $215 to Stubhub! Zack Morris Timeout, are we allowed to enter giveaways we are part of?! I figured it was bad form... someone please clarify for me. I'm new at all this internet participation stuff!

The ladies that made this happen for you:

Sarah @ Venus Trapped in Mars // Maggie @ Mess in the Making // Sara @ Pearls and Curls // Jill @ Girlfriend Jill // Sydney @ Southern Sass // Lisa @ Two Martinis // Rachel @ With Love, Rachel // Merchon @ Merk and Her Mastiff // Helene @ Helene in Between // Erin @ The Party Girl's Guide // Jackie @ Health, Love and the Pursuit of Happiness // Beth @ Arrow in the Eye // Samantha @ It's All in the Details // Nini @ What's New Nini Kat // Steph @ Insert Classy Here // Taylor @ Confessions of a Busy Bee // Amanda @ The Best is Yet to Be // Tami @ Friday Morning Buzz // Laura @ Back-Handsprings Through Bridgetown // Nadine @ Back East Blonde

Rules: This giveaway is open to U.S. residents only Winner will be notified via email (after verification, no cheating) and will have 48 hours to respond and claim their prize. Otherwise, the prize will be given to the next in line. Check all terms and conditions below. 

Now go enter. Woohooo! *Jazzhands* 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Prancercise all summer long.

I know you have all seen the Prancercise video. If you haven’t, then you probably do more things in your real life and spend less time on the internet. Maybe I should take a cue from you!?... Anywho, it is awesome and right up my alley. Prancercise looks like the perfect workout. Basically it is dance walking with ankle weights. I pretty much do this anyway whenever I am excited to have arrived somewhere, just without the weights. Apparently the traffic to the Prancercise Website was so extreme that it crashed on Wednesday. I read up on Prancercise creator, Joanna Rohrback, and her ingenious exercise inspiration came from horses. Also please note that Joanna does not approve of the Gangnam Style horse dance. Those are some bold statements Joanna. Watch out for Korea...

 Now that the video has gone viral, I am really hoping this takes off! Kinda like parkour… right?

It also makes me think of the sign spinner people. I was always amazed by them as a child. Standing there rocking out to their diskman. Does it really help drum up business? I mean, I don’t all of a sudden need a new mattress because you were spinning that sign at the intersection. I just kind of feel like Prancercise is a version of these folks. Like if they abandoned their sign, slapped on some ankle weights and took their dancing selves down the block. Well… kinda. Those sign spinners are pretty intense. Not quite like Prancercise  Okay, wipe that whole last paragraph.

This leads me to this. Let’s all just Prancercise to the #backthatazzup playlist. In honor of June first and the impending summer months, I bring you Summer Girls by LFO.

RIP Rich Cronin. You were undeniably the hot one.

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Taking it back to 2002! Backthatazzup.

Okay, I had too much fun doing this last week, so I'm doing it again! No elaborate photo participation this time, but please prepare yourself for the weekend by enjoying this jam.

Today I am contributing Big Tymers, Still Fly. Enjoy the journey back to 2002!

  

First link-up EVER! Backthatazzup.

So This is my first link-up EVER! I felt that it was only appropriate that my first link-up would be called "Back That Azz Up Friday.” Seriously. #backthatazzup

Thank you Whitney for creating this awesomeness!

My selection for today’s backthatazzup Friday is (drumroll) … Slam Dunk (Da Funk) by 5ive!! or Five… Yeah, I don’t know. They have the numerical figure of the word they are trying to “spell” in their name, so that really makes them fiveive. It was a ploy at creativity or cleverness but it really didn't work out.

This song is from the days of watching Smart House on Disney Channel, but it made an appearance on a “pre-party” playlist in college at one point. I can’t for the life of me find it on my iTunes now, so it must have been someone else’s playlist. Either way, this song never fails to get me pumped up! It isn't a particularly jammin’ song… but it is just so amazing.



Please watch the video when they do the close ups. It is just so incredibly hilarious!

1.) What are they wearing!?
2.) I cannot for the life of me figure out who the “hot one” was. I know there was one and I think there was a consensus! Right? Help me! No wait, I think the hot one was the bad ass with the spiked hair wearing a windbreaker at the beginning… never thought I would type those words.
3.) The rap section
4.) The haircuts
5.) They took themselves SO seriously!
Okay, I don’t feel that it is appropriate for me to go beyond 5… for obvious reasons.

One of the guys looks like Spot from the Newsies, one looks like Justin from 98 Degrees and one looks like the host of Singled Out. Is it an illusion? Tell me!!

Enjoy your weekend and don’t forget to #backthatazzup!

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The art of the mixtape.

I am not old enough to have had the experience of waiting for my song to come on the radio and hit record as quickly as possible, just to ensure that my song was being recorded onto my cassette. Okay, maybe I did it once or twice. But just when I was in my (short lived) country phase. In hindsight, I am glad that I didn’t waste my “hard earned” allowance on country music CDs. Why? Because that means my money was instead spent on boy bands and trips on my bike to 7-11 or Dairy Queen. So much better.

Anywho, this post is about how I have officially lost the art of creating the perfect mix. I blame technology! And iTunes. And college. And terrorism (I just feel like terrorists should always be blamed).

My sister and I used to spend so many "homework hours" in high school illegally downloading music. Get off my back, you know you did it too! Napster was a thing. Remember? And at the time it wasn't illegal! Well… it might have been. Beyond the downloading, we also had an insane CD collection. It was the 4-per page book and it was amazing. I think it is still at my parents’ house! Now I am determined to find it. Anyway, because of our amazing music collection, we became artists when it came to creating the perfect seasonal mix. Oh gosh, and remember the importance of the sharpie art? Especially if it was going to a boy.

A perfect mix would of course have an appropriate rise and fall for your day:

- Starts off slow for the drive to school (3 songs)
- Awesome sing along jams for off campus lunch and car dancing with your gurls (4 songs)
- A medium song for the immediate post school wind-down
- A slow rise back up for pre-practice pump-up (3-4 songs)

These days with iTunes and even Spotify or Grooveshark, you can select an entire album and just “shuffle.” That is what I have been doing on my iTunes playlists for a while now… and I can honestly say that I have officially lost the art of the mix. It is gone. I take my most recent purchased albums and random songs and just hit shuffle.

At one time there were mix rules! I miss the rules. If you had new songs by a fave artist, you could only put a 3rd song by that artist if it was a classic. For example, if I was about to make a new mix that had some JT 20/20 on it, I could only put a third JT track on there if it is a classic (ala Cry Me a River). Do you catch my drift?

A mix by me would usually include some Britney. A mix by my sister would usually include some DMX Dr. Dre (My sister called after the post went up to correct me) or Biggie. She actively thought we lived in the hood. It was SW Portland, not the south side of Chicago Linds. BUT her hoodness did give her an uncharacteristic love of rap that carries through to today. Most people would be shocked to learn this fun fact. She comes off as so straight laced!

For a post with good playlists from someone who has not lost this art - visit Venus!

Alright folks, have a great Tuesday! Tomorrow is May. I hope you have all seen that ‘Nsync GIF. Okay, just in case:

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AIM and my work as a part time model.

Psych! I'm obviously not a model. I am considering busting out AIM again though. Dear AOL, thank you for teaching me how to type both quickly and incorrectly. Love, Laura

I just wrote that sentence after writing the post. Don't worry; it will make more sense later. But now I want to elaborate on my life as a part time model! Remember Flight of the Concords? Nope? You are missing out. Anyway, they have a funny song about "the most beautiful girl in the room (depending on the room)" and how she could be a part time model, but she should probably keep her real job too.

I just started laughing listening to it again! And yes, the girl in the video is Cher from Clueless the TV show.

You may now proceed to the original post:

I don’t know what the heck I am doing with this blog. I like to write and ramble but the longer I have a corner of the internet, the more I realize I have no idea what I am doing. Internet stuff is so beyond me! Tell me, do I now need to go on bloglovin, google analytics and that reader subscriber majig to fix my URL? Why are people all of a sudden using bloglovin!? Is it because reader is going away? I think bloglovin is so annoying to use. How dare Google get rid of something without providing us with a replacement? I just want to check my email and blogs at the same time! Is that so much to ask? At this point I may as well go back to Hotmail or AOL. If I switch back to AOL I will hear “ you've got mail” every time I log on! My life would get SO Kathleen Kelly. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing after all. I wonder if my handle from 7th grade is still available!? I’m pretty sure my password was the name of the boy I liked. Don’t worry guys, we totally “went out” and held hands at lunch time.

On a completely different note, Jenn Pfaus is da bomb! And took pictures of us rando bloggers at a PDX blogger event. She is awesome and fun, and made me feel super comfortable. But I think we can all agree that getting your picture taken alone is a terrifying and awkward experience. I’m sure fashion bloggers will say “you get used to it!” In response I say, “That is a really bizarre thing to get used to. You are weird.” Okay, back to the photo sesh. As soon as Jenn started snapping photos I forgot how to smile and couldn't remember what to do with my hands and arms. I was quickly corrected by Jade, who told me that standing with my arms plastered to my sides was a bad idea. My solution was to just laugh the whole time. Therefore my eyes were likely shut in 90% of the pictures. Sorry Jenn! I’m crazy squinty.

Jenn was great though, and by her amazing photography skills (and likely witchcraft), we ended up with some really great shots! … Although, upon getting them back I mega regret not washing my hair that day. Can’t win em all!

Peace friends! Hit me up on AIM (MissQTpie99).

New URL for BHTB!

That title has a lot of random capital letters in it.

Yesterday I read an article with a title that read something like, “Subdomains are stupid and you are stupid for having one Laura." Okay, it didn't say Laura… but it might as well have. Call me crazy for considering $10/ per year to basically be one million! But the article reassured me that it was really more like $0.03/ per day AKA basically free. So I went ahead and purchased a real domain.

Maybe the article was an add by Go Daddy and they are just tricking me into doing it! I blame Danica Patrick and her stupid race car driving ways. Get a real job Danica! I liked you so much better when you were doing Got Milk and Secret deodorant adds. The adds weren't a secret. It was for the brand Secret! You guys are idots… you know “shower fresh” or whatever. We all use Dove now right? Just trying to make sure I am still in the cool group when it comes to my deodorant/ antiperspirants.

Back to the point! I took the plunge but I ditched the crazy long url. Title is the same; we are still Back-handsprings Through Bridgetown. But the url is now backhandspringsblog. Hopefully I get some traffic from non-tumbling folks trying to learn "how to do back-handsprings." If that happens, they will be annoyed and leave immediately. Hey, at least I got your pageview sucker!

So if you need to update your favorites or readers (how presumptuous of me) go for it. Honestly, I don’t really know how it works. Won’t it just redirect you? I should probably look into this. The internet is so confusing.

TGIF!! Surfing grandma wishes you a wonderful weekend.

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Hey Mickey!

Oh, Mickey, you're so fine. You're so fine you blow my mind. Hey, Mickey!
CLICK HERE (and fast forward to 0:38).

Guess what!? I AM GOING TO DISNEYLAND THIS WEEKEND!!!! Cheerleading Nationals have snuck up on me. It is going to be great! Wait, you don’t think that taking a bunch of high school cheerleaders to California sounds fun? Then you are probably a normal person. I realize that I am unhinged, but a weekend in the happiest place on earth is just what I need. Plus I love cheerleading. And spending all afternoon watching competitive cheerleading sounds look a good day to me! Here is my post from the trip last year.

Looking forward to recreating this. I need to remember to pack that shirt! 

On another note, how do you all feel about Google Reader leaving us? How do the rest of you track your favorite blogs? I really don’t like bloglovin. Soooo now I am in the market for a new RSS reader that will work for a desktop and my mobile device easily.

I will be honest by telling you that I have an unhealthy attachment to my Google Reader. That being said, what are we going to do come July 1st!? Let's be real, if Google thinks we are going to favorite sites and visit them every day, they have lost their bloody minds!  Let me know what you guys are doing. I have read a couple articles about some options, but I’m not sold on anything yet.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Have a super Super Bowl!

This is my last post before the weekend so I find it appropriate to write about the Super Bowl. As you could have probably guessed, my favorite part of the Super Bowl is not the football (shocker), but instead the freedom I feel to become a complete food monster. A common Super Bowl short list includes: Wings, pizza, guacamole, chips of the potato and corn variety, beer and sugary soda drinks, and likely a veggie tray for appearances.

My mother is the only one in our family who likes football. Weird right!? Correction, my mother and brother-in-law are the only ones in our family who like football. I don’t know what Brandon is doing, but I think my sister and I have convinced my mom to go shopping with us on Sunday. BUT the funny thing about my mom is that over the past 25 years she has consistently encouraged us to become engaged in the important football event of the moment. Super Bowls, local college games, bowl games, the Seahawks, you name it. So I expect that my sweet mother will have Super Bowl themed food out as a ploy to get us to watch some of the game. What a gem.

This is how my sister watches football. At least she is trying mom! 

Enjoy the gluttony friends! I am “rooting” for the 49ers… and Beyonce. If you plan on texting or checking Twitter and Insta for most of the game (like a normal person), make sure to read this awesome and hilarious Super Bowl post from Venus. That way you can still kind of impress your boyfriend later. He will be like, “oh my gosh! You know so many awesome football facts!” and you will be like, “I know, right!?” Although, the only thing I actually absorbed from the list is that the coaches are brothers. Reading is hard.

Have a great weekend!

Just as we are.

Hey guys! Just a little note today.

We are okay right? Originally in the New Year I was thinking about taking my blog a little more seriously. But as I think about it, we are doing okay just as we are. Just like how Mark Darcy feels about Bridget Jones. I’m not trying to be a professional blogger, or get a book deal, or even get sponsors on here (If these things show up I will not refuse their money! Duh). Really, I am just trying to write some fun posts. This isn't the first time I have had a blog identity crisis... apparently this will be an annual thing.

So it is decided. No need to advertise on other peoples blogs or get all crazy like that. I’ll just keep writing the way I do, as if I am talking. You know, in rambling run-on sentences with incorrect comma use! I’ll keep doing it for my own amusement and hopefully for yours. No but really, I crack myself up. The fact that a few people read this garbage (hey mom!) is just the bonus.

So for today I leave you with another GIF. Because we all know how much I love them!

Hey, thanks for reading. Emma Stone and I think you are two thumbs up! 

One more thing, are we doing Vine? If so, let’s wait until they have gotten the glitches figured out. Let me know when it is cool and I will jump on the bandwagon. Call me a follower. I won’t deny it.

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Don't let the ASPCA ruin your Friday.

First things first! TGIF!!! I am beyond excited for a fun and relaxing weekend. Actually, I will be spending my Saturday at a cheerleading competition. But I happen to find that fun! Don’t tell anyone.

One thing I would like to ask you about is the ASPCA. No, I don’t have an agenda and I will probably get hate mail after posting this. But what is the deal with the ASPCA!? They often ruin my day with their damn Sarah Mclachlan dog abuse commercial (I wont be linking to it). Does anyone not change the channel when that commercial comes on? I immediately change it for obvious “I don’t want to cry alone into my hummus” reasons. Not only is the commercial unbearable, but they run it on E! Why would they do that? I don’t think the viewership of E! television is particularly humanitarian. I was watching Kourtney and Kim Take Miami for heaven’s sake. I guess Kanye did give Kim a cat… but she lost it when she was drunk. Maybe we should call Sarah and have her and the ASPCA go rescue Mercy? Nope. Just kidding! Mercy already died (sad face). Read about it here.

The truth of the matter is this: The ASPCA ad does not tug at my heart strings. It makes me mad at them for ruining my day and I therefore refuse to give them money out of spite. That is my Friday rant!

James Van Der Beek wishes you a happy weekend!!

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The deal with CrossFit people.

I get that CrossFit is a thing and a big deal to those who dedicate their time to it. And when I say “time,” I clearly mean life because CrossFit people never shut up about it! It’s like there is nothing else going on in their lives besides working out and doing cleanses.

CrossFit people’s recently tagged pictures seem to only be at the gym, or of their green smoothies. I didn't come on Facebook/ Twitter/ Instagram to guess how much kale is in your smoothie. (Don’t get me wrong, one of my friends has a Vitamix and I always ask what is in her drinks. The magic of the Vitamix and its ability to obliterate things will never cease to amaze me.) I came on here to look at pictures of people’s new puppies, babies, cocktails or nature. Or that same picture of the floor at the blazer game from the 300 level that seems to overwhelm my feed every time there is a game.

Sorry, back to the point.

Dear CrossFit people,

We get that you are in shape. We get that it has caused an unavoidable level of narcissism. My cheeseburger and I are just really sick of hearing about it.

Love,
Everyone else

The West-Kardashian Baby

… or Kardashian-West? I think that might be a fight.

The year: 2022 (Age 9)
Setting: School Science Fair

Teacher: And this year’s All School Science Fair winner is... Maxwell Drew Johnson!

Kanye: Yo Maxi, Imma let you finish, but my kid had one of the best potato clocks of all time.

The year: 2029 (Age 16)
Setting: At home rummaging through old home movies.

Kimye spawn: Mom, where are my childhood soccer videos? Wait… what is this? What is a VHS and who is Ray-J?"

I hate that this unborn child is already dealing with tabloid scrutiny. Just because his/her parents are ego-maniacs does not mean that the child will be. BUT we are doing ourselves a disservice if we don’t throw out a few obvious jokes. Right!?


In my personal life: I had an AMAZING holiday break. Very fun, very needed, too much food etc. Is it just me or was getting back into the routine of regular life a bit painful? Wednesday was like a slow death, but now I seem to be embracing the predictable. How are you all doing? If you aren't doing great, just remember that tomorrow is Friday! PTL for short weeks!

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