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I guess the journal app wasn't a waste after all! Okay guys, this is not a usual post for me. I’m going to get all weird and slightly emo on you. And because I am “reading” Gone Girl, I am going to include a quiz at the end. Who are we kidding… I listen to audio books on my commute. It rocks, you should do it.

Here we go:
I am generally not insecure. At this point in my life, the most insecure I get is usually related to vanity and how others perceive me. But In the past it was SO much more. There was a lingering, ‘am I good enough?’ The most insecure time of my life was probably during college. I am going to assume that this is pretty common. You are no longer at home, you are “playing adult,” and you are making grown-up-ish decisions about your life. I guess it makes sense to be insecure as you are literally coming of age.

That being said, I now have a much stronger sense of self and it is quite liberating. I know who I am. I know how cherished I am by God. I feel confirmed, encouraged and loved by most of the people in my life. Honestly, I feel awesome! Maybe too awesome sometimes...

Yet, putting my self in scenarios where I formerly felt insecure causes me to default into an unstable state of mind. My 19 yr old self comes creeping through and it can become debilitating. And I left that girl behind a long time ago! Some of her outfit choices were… let's just say they were questionable.

My question for you is this, why do we let this happen? We can be completely secure adults, who make solid choices and feel stable in who we are. Yet, we get thrown into situations that make us default into who we were a long time ago. Insecurity, or that reaction that makes us feel like we aren't good enough, seeps back to the forefront. We default into someone of the past.

So what is the plan you guys? Do we avoid those situations at all costs? Or do we get strong enough to not default?

QUIZ:
When you are feeling less than awesome, insecure, or not good enough, do you:
A.) Eat your feelings.
B.) Exercise
C.) Pray about it.
D.) Spend time with people who make you feel like a million bucks.
E.) A,C and D
F.) All of the above.

You probably think the answer is F (all of the above). Well, you are wrong. The answer is E. Duh! Exercise is for chumps.

These are just a few of the chicks who make me feel like a million bucks! This was us (and wine) on Monday night.

I bring this up now because I feel like this has happened to me recently and I thought it could be happening for you as well. Is it!? Or am I alone out here in all this crazy?

I’m totally buggin’!

I’m still feeling totally out of material. Because of this, I downloaded a “journal” app for my iPad. You know, to write in daily. I have never been a good diary keeper or journaler. Any honestly, I am glad I don’t have a record of some of the trivial crap I “went through” as a teenager. So embarrassing.

As expected, the journal has one entry… the intro entry. I have had tons of ideas though! I know it! Because I think of things and topics, or see something totally absurd and think to myself, “I should write that down and post about it.” But I am in a meeting, or driving or having an actual human interaction. Not exactly times conducive to busting out an electronic device.

Who do you think I am? Doug Funnie!?

He always journaled. I bet those entries are embarrassing now though. You guys, he liked a girl name Patti Mayonnaise...

All of this pondering and effort to come up with material has made me reflect on the “theme” of my blog. Because really, is it a lifestyle blog? I write about how my mind wanders, I write about pop culture and things I think are funny, silly or “important” to share. THEN when I am lazy, I add posts about my actual life. I add filler posts of weekend activities. Apparently it is the way I give my rambling mind a rest. My thought process is exhausting! It really is. Just read this paragraph 3 times fast and you will understand.

New topic:
The Man Repeller wrote an awesome post about Clueless that I am pissed I didn't think of first.  Because of this, I have been listening to The Cranberries today. My first thought due to the awesomeness of the playlist was, Elton would so approve of this choice. My second thought?... I really hope my future husband likes 90s music.

Currently playing: The Wallflowers

I’m obviously buggin’

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Glam Whore or Glam Fairy?

... I’m still not 100% sure. The following went down in our living room on Monday night.

Current channel: Style Network
Current snack: chocolate chips and candy corn in ramekins
Time: approx 8:30pm

Libby: What is the name of this show?
Me: Glam Whores. (said w/ zero emotion)
Libby: THAT’S THE NAME OF A SHOW!!?
Me: I don't know. (still no emotion)
Libby: It's called Glam Fairy. Although Glam Whores does look like it would fit perfectly!
Both: Bahahahahaha!
[cont. uncontrollable laughter]
Lib: These girls are ridic.
[silent pause]
Lib: "Just because she does a good job doesn't mean she is a fairy."
Me: "Jessica, can you stop drinking the haterade already!?"
[silent pause]
Me: I can't keep watching this.

Channel changed to: ABC Family 
Current programming: Switched at Birth. Victory. 

If this post makes you think I don’t like horrible reality TV you are severely mistaken. Trash television is an unfortunate, yet amazing, common occurrence in our home. I just couldn't handle Glam Fairy. Watch the clip below and you will understand.

I hope you noted how A2 spelled "faires fly hi."

Black Butte and Katy Perry

Black Butte was super relaxing. Fall foliage, vino and the Katy Perry movie… yep, that describes my weekend pretty well! No other words needed.

There was a Harvest Fair happening in Sisters. So that was awesome! 

We took long walks in the cool autumn air.

Pretty fall foliage!! 

Did you guys see the Katy Perry movie? If so, did it make you guys like Katy Perry? I have always found her so annoying due to her songs and outfits. But now I like her! Not necessarily musically, although some songs are catchy, I just like HER. The breakdown due to the demise of her marriage made her human and now I am rooting for her. Why she is dating John Mayer is beyond me. She is better than that!

I hope your weekends were relaxing too!

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Fog and writers block.

I am currently suffering from writers block. I usually have drafts in my email of random thoughts and ideas. Or I find notes in my phone that easily prompt me to write a post. These past weeks have been a struggle though. Once I get going the text usually flows, as I’m sure it will for this one… about writers block. In many cases it is hard to shut me up. Even when it is about absolutely nothing! I’m sure my real life friends are nodding their heads right now. I have a special talent for talking about things I know nothing about with extreme, yet baseless, passion.

It is foggy and I am lethargic. I am also thinking about buying one of those happy lights from Costco. I don’t have winter depression, but I also don’t think it hurts to make a preemptive strike.

I love fall so much! But the knowledge of the impending season of darkness is daunting. I just need to push it out and enjoy this time. The trees have begun to change! I am so excited to crunch through them in my boots! You know, on my walk from Nordstrom to Pioneer Place.

Walking on this will be boss. 

I am off to Black Butte this weekend! So I’ll be sure to spend some time looking out the window while coming up with some post ideas that you will all like!

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When you look bad enough at the mall…

…the kiosk people don’t hound you to straighten your hair.

I found an old note in my iPhone that said just that. Obviously my experience affected me enough to literally “note it.”

Background to the scenario:
Quite a while ago I went to Washington Square Mall looking like total garbage. That day consisted of a Saturday morning workout, no make-up was involved and we were in a season where any traces of a tan were completely gone. Basically, I looked rather scary. In turn, I was not approached by a single kiosk person. Not even the creepy hand lotion one or Proactiv.

On another note, have you been to the mall lately? Is it just me, or has the idea of the mall drastically lost its luster? Remember the middle school days of loitering in Claire’s or Sam Goody? So awesome.

Yes, the mall is incredibly productive because multiple stores you need to go to are all in the same place. But lately it just sucks! I hate how I feel after I go to the mall. If I am going to spend an obscene amount of money on clothes and cosmetics, I would much prefer to do my shopping in surroundings that I enjoy. The harsh fluorescents of an indoor mall are not my jam.

Don’t get me wrong! I shop at the mall. Usually Pioneer Place though, that way I am able to enjoy the city... as I am forced to walk 2 blocks up to Nordstrom. You know I am always tryna hit up Nords, Gap and H&M in the same shopping trip.

Am I the only one who is over the mall? I can’t help but think of how disappointed Cher Horowitz would be of me.

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Today is Friday!

In celebration of the impending weekend, I would like you to remember that anything is possible!
[Start watching at 0:13]

How much do you love Tom Haverford? It should be a lot.