Don't let the ASPCA ruin your Friday.

First things first! TGIF!!! I am beyond excited for a fun and relaxing weekend. Actually, I will be spending my Saturday at a cheerleading competition. But I happen to find that fun! Don’t tell anyone.

One thing I would like to ask you about is the ASPCA. No, I don’t have an agenda and I will probably get hate mail after posting this. But what is the deal with the ASPCA!? They often ruin my day with their damn Sarah Mclachlan dog abuse commercial (I wont be linking to it). Does anyone not change the channel when that commercial comes on? I immediately change it for obvious “I don’t want to cry alone into my hummus” reasons. Not only is the commercial unbearable, but they run it on E! Why would they do that? I don’t think the viewership of E! television is particularly humanitarian. I was watching Kourtney and Kim Take Miami for heaven’s sake. I guess Kanye did give Kim a cat… but she lost it when she was drunk. Maybe we should call Sarah and have her and the ASPCA go rescue Mercy? Nope. Just kidding! Mercy already died (sad face). Read about it here.

The truth of the matter is this: The ASPCA ad does not tug at my heart strings. It makes me mad at them for ruining my day and I therefore refuse to give them money out of spite. That is my Friday rant!

James Van Der Beek wishes you a happy weekend!!

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The deal with CrossFit people.

I get that CrossFit is a thing and a big deal to those who dedicate their time to it. And when I say “time,” I clearly mean life because CrossFit people never shut up about it! It’s like there is nothing else going on in their lives besides working out and doing cleanses.

CrossFit people’s recently tagged pictures seem to only be at the gym, or of their green smoothies. I didn't come on Facebook/ Twitter/ Instagram to guess how much kale is in your smoothie. (Don’t get me wrong, one of my friends has a Vitamix and I always ask what is in her drinks. The magic of the Vitamix and its ability to obliterate things will never cease to amaze me.) I came on here to look at pictures of people’s new puppies, babies, cocktails or nature. Or that same picture of the floor at the blazer game from the 300 level that seems to overwhelm my feed every time there is a game.

Sorry, back to the point.

Dear CrossFit people,

We get that you are in shape. We get that it has caused an unavoidable level of narcissism. My cheeseburger and I are just really sick of hearing about it.

Love,
Everyone else

The end of an era.

The past 24 hours have been a doozy. My roommate/ hetero-life mate/ BFF and I will not be living together anymore. We have lived together since 2006. Yes, your math is right. That is 7 years!!!! We are living through a Monica and Rachel scenario… it is the end of an era!

I am excited and praying for both of our futures. Who knows what they hold!? It is always scary going from the known to the unknown. But God sure loves to remind us that we need to trust Him!

Enjoy a ridiculous amount of photos in honor of our many years spent cohabitating:

Snow at Linfield! -2006 / maybe '07?

On a mission trip to Honduras. -2007

As Legends of the Hidden Temple contestants. -2007

When Libby studied abroad in Ireland I had to leave my group in London to visit her. There was no way I would make it through the whole semester without seeing her! This is us at the St. Charles Bridge in Prague. -2008

The view from Prague Castle. -2008

Setting records... nbd. -2008

Graduating from Linfield. -2009

Cutting the cake at our domestic partnership ceremony. Kidding!! -2009

1920s themed party. -2010

Rockin' it at the Metolius River. -2011

Doing this tribute post makes it look like one of us died or something. Haha! For the record, we are alive and well. Oh, and we are still friends. Sometimes stuff like this creates tension, but Libby was up-front with me and I was openly sad in front of her. Seriously, snot everywhere! I hope you enjoyed the photos from the past as Libby and I embark on this transition through BFF-dom.

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Golden Globes: observations and favorites.

Did you all watch the Golden Globes last night!? It is by far my favorite of the awards shows. I wrote why last year. I am not all knowing when it comes to fashion or anything, but I love the red carpet shows just as much as the broadcast!

What did you guys think of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler? I thought they were fantastically funny, but not nearly enough air time! I was kind of mad that they weren't given more opportunities to bring the hilarity. They had Libby and me LLOLing (Literally laughing out loud. As we all know, LOL has lost all meaning at this point).

First I would like to show you a few things I observed during the broadcast and while reviewing pictures of the Red Carpet.

First let’s take a look at the publicist who REALLY didn't like Jessica Chastain’s dress. It wasn't my fave either… but I think I would have tried a little harder to keep a straight face.

And here we have JLO. She was going all Britney at the 2000 VMAs with this one.

It’s Yosemite Sam! Oh wait… nope, just Bill Murray.

Sienna Miller really misses shopping at Limited Too. To get her fix she picked this dress…

Okay, enough of that. My favorites were Alba and KHud. Their picks could not be more different from each other, yet both are unbelievably glamorous. Plus these dresses seem to suit each of their personalities well. Am I crazy for thinking that?

That is all I have for today. This weekend was so awesome! Cheer season started, awards season started AND JT released his first song since 2006! Booya! Let's note that in the fall of 2006 (sophomore year of college) I was dancing to Sexy Back in the dorms. Obviously because we had all gotten back to campus... AKA brought sexy back. Kind of embarrassing and awesome at the same time. 

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Things I am not good at: Being Outdoorsy

I am from Oregon and I can pretend that I love long hikes and camping… but I don’t. [Insert gasp here]

I like camp fires and the fun camping scenario, especially if there is a body of water and an acoustic guitar nearby, but I don’t really consider camping relaxing. Not because of the situation once you are out there, but because of the amount of planning that goes into electively sleeping on the ground and constantly having dirty feet. Just think about the food planning! Ugh.

It was fun as kids when we weren't saving up vacation time and our parents did all the prep. Or even in college when two days worth of PB&Js would suffice. But now, my free time is limited and I would rather go to a cabin somewhere (BBR) and enjoy the outdoors that way. Sure, I will hike the Butte or something, but get me back home where I can shower and sleep in a bed.

Camping at DMB in 2008 and the Rogue in 2009:
(I consider these the last times I camped because the Antone is SO amazing. Therefore, it doesn't really count.)

Those stupid propane stoves. Clearly not working. 

Sleeping beauties... not. 

On the Rogue River. I can't believe I am touching my foot in this picture. 

Oh my gosh! Remember when I camped in Nicaragua!? Hahaha. During rainy season... sheesh. That one totally counts.

So that is the camping thing. Too much work and dirt to waste vacay time on.

Reality time, I am not good at being outdoorsy at home either! Portland is a wonderful city with mountains and rivers and lakes and beaches only an hour away. Yet, I would rather meet you at late happy hour than join you on your “night hike” (whatever that is). Seriously, people in my life go on night hikes.

So while you hike the south sister, I’ll be at Sisters Coffee Company with a yummy bev and good book (j/k I’ll be using their free wi-fi).  And while you “discover a trail in the gorge,” I’ll be walking along the East Bank and enjoying the view of our lovely city.

I mean, I’ll hike Multnomah Falls! I guess I prefer organized hiking…Hiking Black Butte, hiking at Multnomah Falls. And it seems that the part I dread most about camping is the amount of planning and effort that goes into being voluntarily dirty. Hmmmm.

In conclusion, I am not good at being an outdoorsy NW girl. Maybe I would be better at it if I had a personal assistant.

Woohoos and Workouts.

There is a lady in my favorite exercise class who just “woohoos” the whole time. She is the life of the class! I love having her there, but she basically just stands there and yells or shouts out song lyrics (Filthy song lyrics that she probably doesn’t know the meaning of btw). AND she usually leaves class at least twice. I always figured this is due to having children and that there is a need to use the restroom from all the jumping. Reasonable right? Well, this past weekend my sister noted that she wasn’t even really moving. Just standing there, yelling and leaving multiple times. Hmmm.

This lady plays an integral role for those of us who do not have the extra lung power to bust out the high-volume woo-hooing, but why does she waste that big chunk of her morning? Just so she can say she went to the gym? If just showing up counts, then I am going to start spending my time in the steam room and call it working out.  Better yet, I’ll just nap during yoga and tell the instructor that I am meditating in Savasana.

Please enjoy this instructional video on Savasana (aka corpse pose):

Namaste.

The West-Kardashian Baby

… or Kardashian-West? I think that might be a fight.

The year: 2022 (Age 9)
Setting: School Science Fair

Teacher: And this year’s All School Science Fair winner is... Maxwell Drew Johnson!

Kanye: Yo Maxi, Imma let you finish, but my kid had one of the best potato clocks of all time.

The year: 2029 (Age 16)
Setting: At home rummaging through old home movies.

Kimye spawn: Mom, where are my childhood soccer videos? Wait… what is this? What is a VHS and who is Ray-J?"

I hate that this unborn child is already dealing with tabloid scrutiny. Just because his/her parents are ego-maniacs does not mean that the child will be. BUT we are doing ourselves a disservice if we don’t throw out a few obvious jokes. Right!?


In my personal life: I had an AMAZING holiday break. Very fun, very needed, too much food etc. Is it just me or was getting back into the routine of regular life a bit painful? Wednesday was like a slow death, but now I seem to be embracing the predictable. How are you all doing? If you aren't doing great, just remember that tomorrow is Friday! PTL for short weeks!

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