Fat Tuesday just got obese.

Today is Fat Tuesday!

I know that Fat Tuesday exists because it is the day before you give things up for Lent on Ash Wednesday. BUT instead of buying into the Mardi Gras thing, I am going to take the title of “Fat Tuesday” literally. Today I will be swinging by Little Big Burger to grab some fat on my way home from running errands.

So while thousands participate in the debauchery that will take place tonight in NOLA, I will be participating in Sunday’s episode of Downton (because I fell asleep) and some truffle fries.

Happy Mardi Gras sinners! What the what is a King Cake and why is there a naked baby in it? Answers please!

Oh my goodness. I just went to the Little Big Burger Website and they are putting in a location in SW!! My life just got so good and so much fatter. That means my hood is getting an Elephants AND a Little Big Burger. Yes!

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Let’s talk about love.

Not in real life. But since it is almost Valentine’s Day, I thought we could discuss the “love revelation” in TV and movies. Next week we can talk about all things heart shaped and glittery.

Last night I was watching The Mindy Project on Hulu and in the latest episode BJ Novak realizes that he is in love with young Susan Sarandon. The reason he comes to this realization is because Mindy prompts him by asking who he would want to see on his last night of death row. First of all, where was she going with this? They had only been dating for two episodes! He was obviously not going to say her. That would be insane. They had probably literally been on 4 dates and likely don’t even know each other’s middle names. He chose young Susan Sarandon, his best friend, who he has clearly been in love with for years. Poor Mindy, it was a pretty hilarious and unfortunate When Harry Met Sally moment. Question:  Why didn't BJ Novak say he would want to see his family?

The weirdest love revelation we should really discuss is in Clueless. Yes, it is based off of Jane Austen’s Emma, BUT in Emma Mr. Knightly is her brother-in-law’s brother. I have met my brother-in-law’s brother once or twice. In Clueless, Josh is her former STEP-BROTHER! They are SIBLINGS!!!! In the movie you don’t think much of it because you assume Mel is kind of a serial-marrier due to gold diggers and was likely only married to Josh’s mom for a hot minute. But still, they probably all lived in the same house and did Christmas morning together etc. (excuse me Hanukah… Horowitz) Plus, Josh is practically living in their house during the entire movie. At one point, Mel responds to Cher’s inquiry about it by saying, “You divorce wives, not children.” So there Cher, when you have that revelation in front of the fountain (“Oh my god! I love Josh!”) you are declaring romantic love for your sibling. The extra weird part is that he reciprocates after calling himself a “brother type” earlier in the movie. Although, they probably DID know each other’s middle names because they are siblings and all. I’m not sure why I find knowing middle names significant when declaring love. It really has nothing to do with anything.

From siblings...

...to kissin'

I must mention that Clueless is one of my favorite movies of all time. I just had to reflect on the whole sibling thing for a minute. It really just makes the movie funnier and makes me love it (and Cher and Josh) more.

Writing this post has given me my very own love revelation about cheesy shows and movies. Who cares if it is unrealistic! They give me butterflies and make me giddy. This would be embarrassing but I'm pretty sure you guys know what I mean.

A list of some of the great ones:
- Rachel realizes that she loves Ross too! Once after seeing the broach he bought for her, and later when she is about to fly to Paris. (Don’t worry guys, she got off the plane)
- Kathleen Kelly realizes she loves Joe Fox on the day she is to meet NY157. Good thing Tom Hanks is really good at getting Meg Ryan to fall in love with him!
- Melanie Smooter Carmichael realizes that she gave her heart away a long time ago.
- Harry realizes that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Sally, and therefore wants the rest of his life to start as soon as possible!

Don’t even get me started on the movies where there is a bet involved and they end up falling in love.

What is your opinion on the whole “love revelation?” Do you think it is stupid? At all plausible? Do you think these types of romantic movies and shows sets us up for disappointment? I have heard crazy arguments against the romantic comedy and how it is damaging to girls perspectives etc. How you need to go through “real life experiences” with someone before you truly fall in love. Blah blah blah… No really, tell me your opinion! You already know mine.

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I love cake.

Some people don't like cake. Many of them say stuff like, "I just wouldn't choose cake." Well, to those people I say, you are eating the wrong kind of cake. Cake from a box sucks, store bought cake from the grocery store sucks. Go get yourself a nice piece of fancy bakery cake. You won't regret it!

I frequently indulge by purchasing myself a nice $4 slice of cake. Do you remember that scene form Matilda when Bruce Bogtrotter has to eat that whole chocolate cake in front of the school? That cake looks sooooo good. I remember watching that movie as a child and thinking about how that cake looked like the best cake in the history of the world.

Yesterday I was Bruce Bogtrotter. I bought a large piece of chocolate cake and ate the whole thing in under 5 minutes. I have no shame.

Bruce, Bruce, Bruce! From now on when I am craving cake I am going to refer to it as "Bogtrotter envy."

Have a super Super Bowl!

This is my last post before the weekend so I find it appropriate to write about the Super Bowl. As you could have probably guessed, my favorite part of the Super Bowl is not the football (shocker), but instead the freedom I feel to become a complete food monster. A common Super Bowl short list includes: Wings, pizza, guacamole, chips of the potato and corn variety, beer and sugary soda drinks, and likely a veggie tray for appearances.

My mother is the only one in our family who likes football. Weird right!? Correction, my mother and brother-in-law are the only ones in our family who like football. I don’t know what Brandon is doing, but I think my sister and I have convinced my mom to go shopping with us on Sunday. BUT the funny thing about my mom is that over the past 25 years she has consistently encouraged us to become engaged in the important football event of the moment. Super Bowls, local college games, bowl games, the Seahawks, you name it. So I expect that my sweet mother will have Super Bowl themed food out as a ploy to get us to watch some of the game. What a gem.

This is how my sister watches football. At least she is trying mom! 

Enjoy the gluttony friends! I am “rooting” for the 49ers… and Beyonce. If you plan on texting or checking Twitter and Insta for most of the game (like a normal person), make sure to read this awesome and hilarious Super Bowl post from Venus. That way you can still kind of impress your boyfriend later. He will be like, “oh my gosh! You know so many awesome football facts!” and you will be like, “I know, right!?” Although, the only thing I actually absorbed from the list is that the coaches are brothers. Reading is hard.

Have a great weekend!

Just as we are.

Hey guys! Just a little note today.

We are okay right? Originally in the New Year I was thinking about taking my blog a little more seriously. But as I think about it, we are doing okay just as we are. Just like how Mark Darcy feels about Bridget Jones. I’m not trying to be a professional blogger, or get a book deal, or even get sponsors on here (If these things show up I will not refuse their money! Duh). Really, I am just trying to write some fun posts. This isn't the first time I have had a blog identity crisis... apparently this will be an annual thing.

So it is decided. No need to advertise on other peoples blogs or get all crazy like that. I’ll just keep writing the way I do, as if I am talking. You know, in rambling run-on sentences with incorrect comma use! I’ll keep doing it for my own amusement and hopefully for yours. No but really, I crack myself up. The fact that a few people read this garbage (hey mom!) is just the bonus.

So for today I leave you with another GIF. Because we all know how much I love them!

Hey, thanks for reading. Emma Stone and I think you are two thumbs up! 

One more thing, are we doing Vine? If so, let’s wait until they have gotten the glitches figured out. Let me know when it is cool and I will jump on the bandwagon. Call me a follower. I won’t deny it.

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Don't let the ASPCA ruin your Friday.

First things first! TGIF!!! I am beyond excited for a fun and relaxing weekend. Actually, I will be spending my Saturday at a cheerleading competition. But I happen to find that fun! Don’t tell anyone.

One thing I would like to ask you about is the ASPCA. No, I don’t have an agenda and I will probably get hate mail after posting this. But what is the deal with the ASPCA!? They often ruin my day with their damn Sarah Mclachlan dog abuse commercial (I wont be linking to it). Does anyone not change the channel when that commercial comes on? I immediately change it for obvious “I don’t want to cry alone into my hummus” reasons. Not only is the commercial unbearable, but they run it on E! Why would they do that? I don’t think the viewership of E! television is particularly humanitarian. I was watching Kourtney and Kim Take Miami for heaven’s sake. I guess Kanye did give Kim a cat… but she lost it when she was drunk. Maybe we should call Sarah and have her and the ASPCA go rescue Mercy? Nope. Just kidding! Mercy already died (sad face). Read about it here.

The truth of the matter is this: The ASPCA ad does not tug at my heart strings. It makes me mad at them for ruining my day and I therefore refuse to give them money out of spite. That is my Friday rant!

James Van Der Beek wishes you a happy weekend!!

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The deal with CrossFit people.

I get that CrossFit is a thing and a big deal to those who dedicate their time to it. And when I say “time,” I clearly mean life because CrossFit people never shut up about it! It’s like there is nothing else going on in their lives besides working out and doing cleanses.

CrossFit people’s recently tagged pictures seem to only be at the gym, or of their green smoothies. I didn't come on Facebook/ Twitter/ Instagram to guess how much kale is in your smoothie. (Don’t get me wrong, one of my friends has a Vitamix and I always ask what is in her drinks. The magic of the Vitamix and its ability to obliterate things will never cease to amaze me.) I came on here to look at pictures of people’s new puppies, babies, cocktails or nature. Or that same picture of the floor at the blazer game from the 300 level that seems to overwhelm my feed every time there is a game.

Sorry, back to the point.

Dear CrossFit people,

We get that you are in shape. We get that it has caused an unavoidable level of narcissism. My cheeseburger and I are just really sick of hearing about it.

Love,
Everyone else